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You know you're Australian when...

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by TonyE, Oct 1, 2009.

  1. You know the meaning of 'girt'

    You believe that stubbies can either be worn or drunk

    You think it is normal to have a Prime Minister called Kevin

    You waddle when you walk due to the 53 expired petrol discount vouchers stuffed in your wallet or purse

    You've made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for something illegal such as watering the garden

    When you hear that an American 'roots for his team' you wonder how often and with whom

    You understand that the phrase 'a group of women wearing black thongs' refers to footwear and may be less alluring than it sounds

    You pronounce Melbourne as 'Mel-bin'

    You pronounce Penrith as 'Pen-riff'

    You believe the 'L' in the word ' Australia ' is optional

    You can translate: 'Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccas'

    You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep

    You call your best friend 'a total bastard' but someone you really, truly despise is just 'a bit of a bastard'

    You think 'Woolloomooloo' is a perfectly reasonable name for a place

    You believe it makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that's twice as big as its $2 coin

    You understand that 'Wagga Wagga' can be abbreviated to 'Wagga' but 'Woy Woy' can't be called 'Woy'

    You believe that cooked-down axlegrease makes a good breakfast spread

    You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they stuff up, at which point they again become Kiwis

    You know, whatever the tourist books say, that no one says 'cobber'

    You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted out during any rendition of the Angels' song 'Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again'

    You believe, as an article of faith, that the confectionary known as the Wagon Wheel has become smaller with every passing year

    You still don't get why the 'Labor' in 'Australian Labor Party' is not spelt with a 'u'

    You wear ugg boots outside the house

    You believe that the more you shorten someone's name the more you like them

    Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order takeaway fluently in every Asian language

    You understand that 'excuse me' can sound rude, while 'scuse me' is always polite

    You know what it's like to swallow a fly, on occasions via your nose

    You understand that 'you' has a plural and that it's 'youse'

    You know it's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle

    Your biggest family argument over the summer concerned the rules of beach cricket

    You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what they call 'Anzac cookies'

    You still think of Kylie as 'that girl off Neighbours'

    When returning home from overseas, you expect to be brutally strip-searched by Customs - just in case you're trying to sneak in fruit

    You believe the phrase 'smart casual' refers to a pair of black tracky-daks, suitably laundered

    You understand that all train timetables are works of fiction

    When working at a bar, you understand male customers will feel the need to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer

    You get choked up with emotion by the first verse of the national anthem and then have trouble remembering the second

    You find yourself ignorant of nearly all the facts deemed essential in the government's new test for migrants.

    You will immediately forward this list to other Australians, here and overseas, realising that only they will understand!!
  2. there's a 2nd verse to the au anthem?
  3. Beneath our radiant Southern Cross,
    We'll toil with hearts and hands,
    To make this Commonwealth of ours,
    Reknowned of all the lands.

    The rest I forget... :eek:
  4. I always thought the end of it was
    "Enjoy four straits and let us sing"

    There's Bass, Torres, Endeavour Straits...and of course, we can't sing without Dire Straits ;)