Don't know if this should be in the joke forum or not, but anyway.... An Excuse and works every time for any driving infringement. The basis of this excuses success, is that Traffic Cops are arrogant idiots. Follow these steps for a guaranteed 100% success in defending any driving infringement: 1. Tell the Police Officer you left your license at home and accept gratefully the extra charge of not having your license with you. 2. Do nothing to prolong the time with the cops. Be polite, courteous and thank them, but get it all over with as fast as you possibly can. 2. Do not pay the fines, in fact, throw them away. 3. When the notice arrives in the mail, elect to have them heard in Court. 4. Delay court proceedings as many times as possible, to put time between when you met the cop and when the court hearing takes place. (Good excuses are feigned heart attacks, possible Sexually transmitted diseases etc). 5. Hire a cheap lawyer even if he is an idiot, as no intelligence is required on his part for the defence. The defence is that it was not you driving the car. 6. Make sure you tell the lawyer it was a girlfriend or boyfriend driving the car and give the lawyer a made up address, name, license number of that fictitious person who you no longer and have lost touch with. he lawyer MUST not know the truth. 7. On the day of the hearing have a friend sit in the place where the defendant usually sits with his lawyer. The lawyer must agree to defend on the basis it was not you driving the car. 7. This lawyer MUST as a matter of formality, start by asking the Police Officer to identify the driver of the car. All cops, being arrogant and malicious, will point the figure at the person sitting beside the defendants lawyer. 8. That person then openly discloses he is not the one, but discloses his real name demonstrating that the cops identified the wrong person. 9. The real culprit (you) should be sitting outside of the court room on the steps. 10. When the case is over and you have won, the lawyer must walk out with your friend, at the very same time the cops walks out. 11. When the cop walks out, thank him for his stupidity, very politely and without being rude. The idea is to aggravate him (politely) openly infront of your lawyer. 12. Next time you get hit by the cops for a traffic thing, claim harassment, retribution and malicious prosecution for "sticking it up" a traffic cop in the court previously. 13. Use the same lawyer for the next fine also. 14. Start from the beginning again but this time get another lawyer and another friend. 15. Continue until age 85. Maybe worth a try for real bad speeding cases. :twisted: Orlando.