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Work Choices

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' at netrider.net.au started by MarvinTheMartian, Apr 25, 2006.

  1. To: all Australians
    From: John Howard
    Date: Monday, 27th March 2006
    Ref: Work Choices

    A comprehensive study of the existing Industrial Relations within the States and Territories make it necessary for IR reforms.

    In accordance with the new Work Choices policy, a new program has been introduced to phase out unnecessary personnel by the end of the fiscal year. This phase will be known as Retrench All Personnel Early - or R.A.P.E for short. This will be effective when ever we bloody well feel like it.

    Employees you have been R.A.P.E'd will be given an opportunity to seek other employment provided that while they are being R.A.P.E'd they request a review of their employment record before the discharge takes place. This stage will be known as Survey Capabilities of Retrenched Early Workers (or SCREW) and will be undertaken at your HR and/or Management convenience.

    All employees who have been R.A.P.E'd and SCREW'ed may apply for a final review. This will be called The Study of Higher Authority Following Termination (or The SHAFT).

    Present government policy dictates that employees may be R.A.P.E'd once and SCREW'ed twice, but they may get The SHAFT as many times as company HR and/or Management deem appropriate.

    The retrenchment plans will be handled by a Federal agency - The Personnel Retrenchment Institute of Corporate Kicks - PRICKs