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Why.....why me? Why RIGHT Friggin now!?

Discussion in 'The Pub' at netrider.net.au started by j-rad, Dec 19, 2011.

  1. Why me.......why ALL OF THIS RIGHT NOW!!!

    I am sorry everyone. I need to vent and perhaps gain the collective wisdom of the forum and those that have been there/done that.

    I realise there are other more appropriate avenues and I have already taken these up but am sure there are stories (facts) from others that may assist me.

    Without being too specific, my (now ex) wife and I have had many years of problems. Marriage counselling for 12mths didn’t help and I stuck with it for another 5 years since to no avail. We persisted in trying to make things work and fell pregnant with my 3rd son. FYI - Love all my boys, paying maintenance etc doesn’t bother me...but her folks are trying to help her buy me out of the house and trying to screw me. Completely normal situation then. By Jan/Feb it will be finalised so getting through the nitty gritty details has been ever so hard.

    Have been doing it extremely tough even having the odd nasty thought about giving her the whole house and finding a nice big tree or cliff or something because my ex has said “I could be a perfect angel, it wouldn’t change a thing’ so basically I am trying to come to terms with this and trying to move on. Not easy after 11yrs of sacrafice which saw me stop riding for a while and I could never follow through with such heavy thoughts since my boys mean the world to me I'm in hell.

    Last Tues my car went in for 75,000 service and a check on the sticky clutch...gearbox seals were shot and even though the clutch had heaps of meat - just had gear oil all over it and was ruined. $3600....Awesome.....but not the workshops fault whatsoever, very happy with their work! Car spent another night at workshop and then the OWNERS loan car had a valve spring snap and broke down on side of road last ........when I FINALLY got towed home, I found my shed had been broken into and a stack of stuff stolen!!!

    It couldn’t have happened at a worse time. Unfortunately I have been living in my converted shed to be closer to the kids whilst we are separating so ALL of my possessions, bed etc were in there. Not only was alot of gear stolen they just made a woeful mess so I don't even know everything that may be missing. Pretty much forced me to move out earlier than expected because I didn't want them returning for the rest of my stuff. I am SOOOOOOO Lucky that my uninsured race bike was left untouched but had to move it all asap.

    Whilst most of the gear is insured, I had recently been paid $200 for riding at the race track recently (I happen to do some riding work for WP) and the coin was going to a very overdue holiday from Canberra > QLD ....the little fking thieves stole that as well as a whole heap of expensive tools, xbox/monitor, brand new MTB ...most of the stuff is insured but I now have to cancel my holiday due to ute expense and stolen cash.....****ing ****s

    I realise $200 is hardly a big holiday but accommodation and fuel was covered so didn’t need much more than that but right at this time more than ever, I needed to get away and have a breather.....although I understand many others have it much tougher around this time of year esp.

    To see the coin earnt from riding as special should not be the case but am just gutted, I thought my life was finally turning around. Being a contractor I don't get paid over xmas shutdown so can't really pull the coin from elsewhere to go away. I can stay in Canberra but the ex is going ahead with her holiday away with kids so it'd be extremely depressing being in a house with so many memories and no one around :(

    I feel as though I’ve had a black cloud following me everywhere and can’t touch anything without ****ing it....shit even a 15km trip home in a loan car (cruising not flogging it at all they checked ECU LOL) and I managed to **** it.

    Any other advice for trying to get over an ex, letting go, financial matters?
    PS Again I have sought proper legal advice, just wanting to hear others experiences, traps to avoid etc and what I may do about getting away for a break cheapily? Thinking of hitting south coast instead of QLD where my boss lives but everything is mega packed/booked out now.

    I feel like a shadow of my former self ](*,) and have no idea what to do to pass the time.....
  2. you can come and pint the railings at my house when it stops raining to pass the time if you wish

    seriously though bad things come in 3's - now its the good things that will come in 3's
  3. was gonna say you've had 3 shitfulls, onwards and upwards now!!
    Chin up, life's tough for you right now, would rather be you then one of those boat people whos boat sank overnite, or one of the Phillipine people that had it all washed away!!
    Think of the boys and you'll pull thru, mate there are numbers to call if you get down that bad, make a call for support!! It starts with you.. You're brave enough to open it all here, make the call and you might be surpised with the end result.
  4. Hi J-rad,

    I'm sorry to hear all the things that have been happening to you of late. You obviously have some strength as you had the courage/ability to post these things on here. Many of us have been through some traumatic things, the only advice I can give here is that believe it or not, things WILL get better, time heals, although it is always sad when you reflect on how things have been or could have been, there will be good things that will happen. If you haven't had counselling for yourself, (seperate to marriage couselling), from someone yet, I suggest you do, although you may not feel you need it, it can't hurt, and sometimes the cousellors can be a good point of reference to local resouces that can help. Not sure if you have legal help at all, that could be handy, depending on your financial situation you may be entitled to legal-aid? Local community groups employ financial counsellors, I suggest seeing one could be helpful? I also think that it wouldn't hurt to contact Mensline http://www.mensline.org.au/home.aspx they would be a good point of contact and will have dealt with a lot of the issues you raise. Wish I could come up with an idea re the holiday, but I can't sorry, I'm sure someone will have a good idea. For the sake of your children, and yourself, keep going and there will be light at the end of the tunnel.


  5. If there's anything I can do to help, please let me know; one of the great things about this community IS its community spirit.

    And just to philosophise a bit, no time is a good time for this sort of stuff to happen........
  6. HUUUUUUGGGGGGSSSS Totally understand.

    Life turns to shit sometimes, you've just got to pick yourself up and try to move on. Not easy...I know. Especially when you're really still living it. Looking backwards just causes further pain.

    It sounds lame but you really need to focus on the small little things. For me today that means finding joy in the fact I slept for 6 hours last night and rode my bike in the rain this morning. Means nothing to anyone else but makes me feel awesome today.

    If that doesn't work.....try annoying the crap out of people on netrider. Sometimes that works :)
  7. Hang in there dude! Life is like that sometimes... As Goddie said there are a things happening around us and at times we feel that we are worse off but we are not!

    I know it's easier said than done BUT Hang in there... !
  8. j-rad,

    One thing I won't try and do is reiterate the very sound and helpful advice of all who have posted here above me.
    I have never been married (or had the joy for having 3 beautiful boys) though have had my own setbacks with relationships, one not too long ago..just when it was moving nicely in the right direction. Life goes on mate, and from the saying, time is a healer, this is so true !

    Going through so many setbacks at present, I can understand how difficult things may be for you. I strongly believe (as we all have varying harsh setbacks in life, depending on individual cases, how harsh a setback, how equipped each individual is at the time to deal with it, external assistance etc etc) that all the difficult times we experience in life are, strangely enough, tests for us. Now, please don't misunderstand me by saying that these things 'are meant to be', because nobody wants to go through loss of any kind, especially when it's the core things that make us who we are, what we are and keep us emotionally & mentally satisfied. We are all put through tests in life, some more than others, as a way of identifying to ourselves the direction our life is taking/has taken etc... Could it be us that are responsible ? No ! Then the other person ? Perhaps....
    Whatever the case, it helps us to identify, as harsh as it may be at the time, a different course of life...sometimes this being completely out of our hands, again, such as all the examples you've mentioned. Its purpose is to strengthen us within, and you have displayed enormous amounts of this by pouring your heart out to us all. The least we can all do mate, in TOTAL respect is to try and help (in any way) a fellow NR member, a rider in arms.

    You will always have the support of all the riding community, whether you live interstate or not. Allow yourself time to heal, which is a necessary step in the proceedings from hereon. Cherish all the lovely things you're blessed with, mate, and count your lucky stars that you have your health, your lovely 3 boys, strength and determination to succeed, and lastly 20,000 odd members here who would be willing to assist you in any way you may require.

    This Christmas & New Year will be the first for me as a single guy, after 5 yrs of a wonderful relationship, which was progressing toward serious levels, ie marriage. She even moved interstate for me (SYD to MEL, I moved back to Oz from overseas) so that we could move in together, which never happened. I was gutted and it took me 6 months to get over it. I find I still ponder on the why's/what's/how's etc... but it has strengthened me in many regards..and funny enough, brought me closer to the things I LOVE doing...riding and meeting as many NR people as I can. Life is very short mate, and we must make the most of it. I realised that there are MANY things in life that make us happy - they're out there..just not discovered by us...yet ;)

    Please excuse my example above, as diminished an example it may be compared to your situation. You have lots to deal with mate. Please seek the assistance you require, professionally or though family/close loved ones/friends.

    I'd be more than happy to have you stay with us in Melbourne over Christmas (turn it into a ride of great proportions (y)) to avoid you being lonely/alone during this Festive Season. Unfortunately I am not allowed the privilege this year - work has a nasty habit of intervening with my social life :)

    Stay strong j-rad and have faith that ALL will work out for you mate. It always does.

    Anytime. Anyplace. Any ride. I'm there (y)
  9. ^^ what Nickers said (very wise words)

    Big hug for you man. Sucks to feel this way. Feels like everything happens at once, and all you can do is wait for the day when it's in the distant past and you're glad you're not there anymore. Hang in there, you have friends here.
  10. I went through a very difficult marriage breakup a few years back, at the time I thought I would never get through it but time does pass and life will always turn around to the positive in time. You just have to ride through the rollercoaster as best you can, take one day at a time, one minute at a time if you need to. Just dont look back, keep your focus always ahead and work on spending some quality time with your boys in the meantime. Life will get better, but it sure does get tough sometimes. Hang in there.
  11. As above. Things will get better! Hang in there man.
  12. Usually in these cases ill tell the person to HTFU but in your case, u have been hit by a tsunami, you are in 1 very deep hole with a ladder thats keeps sliding down, chin up bloke and dont let the ladder beat you
  13. =D>
    Mate, I am in let me know when you're hitting that up I will help. Bad things in 3's....well ontop of me having to lodge a misconduct/assualt (from a shop owner can you believe it)yesterday which I didn't mention my year just gets weirder and weirder....

    I'm due about 10 good things if that's the case.....or I ran over 10 china-men in the past and deserve it. If karma really is true then I am one ****ed up arsehole.

    Thanks Hornet....words from the wise. Thank god for motorcyclists. Whilst I have been off the road for a long time pursuing racing dreams, I am hoping to come out with enough to buy a newish road bike next year. WHEN I do that, I want to meet all these wonderful people in this thread....

    Wow...6hours sleep you must have a young one yourself? With kids I feel Like I've been sleep deprived for about 7 years now lol But you're right, I"ve just been trying to place one foot in front of the other....

    Simply. Thank you.

    Very encouraging that I might be able to meet some new people when I have lost so many with shared friends/break ups....once good mates are now just avoiding us both it's a shame....

    I am just going to hide under a RHOK (get it??) for rest of 2011 and maybe come out of hiding for 2012 with a shred of dignity left. If I can I am definately buying a road bike and coming down to meet you some time! If I can possibly swing it I'm tossing up between a Duke Street fighter, Hypermotard or the Speed Triple (got the race bike, now I need something more cruisier for the roads cause GSXRS just make me wanna be very naughty.... plus I hope to meet someone again I am only young so need a bike built for 2!!!

    Suggestions? I want something different, been down the sports bike 600/750/1000 too many times....BMWS are also on the cars but I want something that will handle a quick road pace safely, but also be comfy after 10hrs riding......

    Probably out of scope for this thread but well. . . .if I can sc**** a few bucks together I'll be on the hunt!

    Thank you all once again for your encouragment it might just get me through the week....
  14. No. No kids. As much as I would have loved them at some point, I know I'm lucky in that my situation could have been a lot more difficult. I just dont sleep :)

    Things will get better. I know its really annoying that people always say that...but they say it because its true.
  15. Cheers Goz, I've posted about 1/10th of the crap I've been dealing with for 6-7yrs now. Ya keep trying to be loyal, love the person, kids, house the whole lot.

    Thankfully we have mutually separated and I have unlimited access to kids, I pay all the bills and haven't changed accounts or stitched her up so for those that know me well I work very hard on my close relationships so hurts more when it goes south. . . .

    Apparently 'treating em mean to keep em keen' is the GO because everything I've done has failed. Anyhow...might get to have a beer with you and Laurie one of these days hey but you're living in Sydney?

    Still... not sure you'd want to be drinking with me after your little swipe at me on KRSC a while back about me 'talking up the racing....'....might be fair enough since I do like a chin wag :) but must admit was surprised but not so much that I mentioned it at the time....

    Anyhow, thanks for the kind words Goz....I should harden up since my race bike wasn't taken and other than my kids, that's all I gots left.
  16. get a striple even i think they are cool
  17. First bold message is so true, Thats me 100%, u cant give them everything they want or they will run rings around you, women dont like soft cocks, simple as that

    2nd bold message, i think u got the wrong goz lol even though im registered on that board to take the piss out of disco :)
  18. Agree with Goz comments - the more of an hardass bastard I am the more women like me for it
  19. No it's not, don't change. Quality women appreciate quality men.
  20. Bullshit