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Why is my bike soooo slow?

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' at netrider.net.au started by FormerUser1, May 6, 2005.

  1. Why is my bike so slow ??

    How come I'm always tail-end Charly?
    It's been bugging me for a while, all other bikes are quicker than mine.
    And I've been following all the good advice I've been getting: Taken out the air-box, flatten the power-curve with a 6-pound hammer, took all the garbage out of the cans, changed the power-band (which I was told was too narrow) for a wider one.

    Last weekend I filled the "holes-during-accelaration" with a bottle of
    Poly-Urethane Foam, mounted an amplifier in the helmet to get a better response from the engine, swapped the sprockets back-to-front to make the rear wheel turn faster and fitted stronger piston-return springs.

    I'm also filling up with leaded, making the bike heavier and hence lowering
    it, reducing the frontal area (less wind, more speed).
    Nothing really helps!!
    Now I'm told to check the valves, out of the 8 I'm supposed to have I can
    only find 2 ( those sales-guys are full of shit) and they're at the wheels.

    I also extended the legs of the centre stand to avoid roll-resistance.
    Replacing the sparks with fresh ones didn't help nor did the removal of the
    idle-speed-overflow container.
    As brake fluid builds up during use of the brakes I keep draining the stuff
    I also spray the aircleaner with White King regularly to have really clean
    air and drench it in Fly Spray to keep the bugs out.
    Last night I also junked the radiator replacing it with a Fast-by-Ferracci
    drinkbottle which hopefully should make it go as quick as it says on the
    Replacing the stock tank with a Sherman wasn't a good idea, couldn't see
    shit once mounted to the bars.
    A mate is going to get me some of that Repsol Paint , but that'll be in a
    fortnight or so.

    The only result I had was after glueing the 5th sharkfin onto the top of the
    helmet (with an extra 2 out the sides for stabiliziation), now I can hear
    the wind whistling by and MUST be going at least a little bit faster.

    Since I'm not stupid, I also thought of drilling a hole into the rocker
    cover, fitting a Scott-Oiler attached to a 1litre bottle of Tabasco-Sauce stashed under the seat (where the airbox was), so I've got a hot cam.

    Also fitting a 10" front wheel makes at least the front goes fast (I'm still
    respoking the rear wheel with knitting needles, they're hollow and therefore
    lightweight). Great advice from a guy in Ivory Coast...

    Tried a camshaft off a 4-cylinder (bend slightly since it didn't fit right
    off) which gave me more "lobe". Of course I cut off the excess bits sticking out of engine casing.

    Got the chassis sorted now, yeeha.
    Great cornering-clearance now after taking the engine out
    altogether and mounting the footpegs to the handlebar.

    Any more ideas?
  2. try some new headlight fluid, and get some performance muffler bearings. also, a trip to the local auto shop for some neons will always add a few HP, just remember that GREEN is the fastest neon colour (pity the fools that beleive its all about yellow)

    hope that helps, keep up the good work :wink:
  3. how about some aero designed hand grips ?
  4. You need to raise compression by removing some of the head material (get your file out) and at the same time increase your stroke by using longer con-rods (she'll be fine if you run her on Methol).
  5. If you reckon it helps...
    Got a URL for that?
    When I flattened the power-curve I might've whacked a few dints in it though, got a new one on order and they promised it'll be as flat as a Hume-Hwy extension.
  6. Use the synthetic stuff - mineral based is shyte and will your steering will play up as the light gets lighter. You need the extra weight up front.

    Make sure you get some manifold heat - the small containers are usually enough for a bike. A cold manifold will cause mixture problems. Paint it on thinly (you don't want to cause a fire).

    If you have a belt-drive bike (harley sturgis etc) get the belts with buckles. It makes changing a wheel much easier.

    Tyre air. Absolutely essential. You should get enough for now and some for later when you do the 1500k air-change.

    Mirror-flipper spray. Ever wondered why cars don't seem to see you? It's because in a mirror, the image is reversed. The car manufacturers know about this dangerous fault but do nothing because a recall would cost millions. Get a can of spray mirror-flipper and you'll see the road behind you the way it really is. No more nasty surprises.
  7. Stop riding Shituki's :!:
    Is it any wonder your bike is sooo slow :p
  8. Someone told me to put some speed into the tyres, boy it was a mess, tricky business that is. Spilt quite a bit of it...3 hrs. later the pidgeon in the backyard were re-enacting the "Battle of Britain", each of them a little Baron von Richthofen
  9. now your being silly

    you need to cut 25mm off the gear lever, for faster changes.
    10mm off the clutch lever for same effect (cumulative)

    5 thou off the ignition key for faster starting (and dont forget to make sure you have the 3kgs of solid pewter bike emblem replica keyring)

    Don't ride with a tailwind.. despite the popular urban myth of it making you go faster, it actually slows you down by going up the tailpipe and blowing out the spark.

  10. Reckon I should return it to the factory? Perhaps some of the mods could be put into development for the '06 bikes?

  11. Bhahahahahhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
  12. Don't forget couple of pots with boost, they come in 360ml and 600ml variety. Huge spike on the front as well for easier air penetrating, file it twice daily to maintain sharpnes of the tip, otherwise perrofmance drops quite fast!!!
  13. Don't forget, "white wheels" I swear I painted the wheels white on my old Hillman (check history books) and got heaps more power.
  14. Remember to put hot air in your tyres cause it's lighter. Also make sure you add ice to the radiator to stop it from over heating.

    You could also cut out a bit of ice-cream container and stickytape to the forks so the spokes hit it on the way round. Did it in my BMX and you can tell it's faster just by the sound.

    If all else fails, go get some stickers. That always works!
  15. 1. I'd seriously look at shaving all the tread off your tyres (must be a couple of hundred grams weight there). In fact, remove the tyres completely and just run on the rims, smooth stainless steel must have less resistance than that grippy rubber stuff.

    2. Take the cover and padding off the seat. A hard arse biker like yourself doesn't need luxuries like that.

    3. Coat your throttle grip, clutch side grip and foot pegs with a silicon based lubricant, will help these cut through the wind better.
  16. reply

    The answer is farly simple, try twisting the rubber bands a bit tighter before you start. :p :p :p :p


    Simply peddle a lot faster!!! :p :p :p :p :p

  17. Re: reply

    Do I have to flatten out the rubberband like the power-band?
    Then I'd have to buy a rubber-mallet, right?
  18. Myabe a corkscrew would help get the rubber bands tighter and bee handee to open some bottles .
    everyone knows u got have gt stripes painted down the side of your tank to make it go faster.
  19. reply

    If you get the ones the harleys use on the back wheel, you will find they are no good, as you have seen, the harleys dont go all that fast. :LOL:

    (What? They are belts? hmmm no wonder it doesn't work :wink: )

    Anyway, the local hobby shop will have some. They use them on aeroplanes. So, that will make your bike FLY!! :p :p :p :p

    And if you use aerostart, it will make it take off even better. :p :p :p

    However, if you really want to go fast (Faster than a suuushuckiu (spelling prob here) go by train. They are faster than those whatisnames bikes. :p :p :p :p