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Why can't I own a Canadian?

Discussion in 'The Pub' started by Scottatron, Nov 8, 2007.

  1. Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people
    who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant
    Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22
    and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.

    Dear Dr. Laura:

    Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have
    learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as
    many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle,
    for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to
    be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however,
    regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:

    When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing
    odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the
    odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

    I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7.
    In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

    I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period
    of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I
    have tried asking, but most women take offense.

    Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female,
    provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine
    claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify?
    Why can't I own Canadians?

    I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly
    states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

    A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination -
    Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree.
    Can you settle this?

    Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a
    defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my
    vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

    Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around
    their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How
    should they die?

    I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me
    unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

    My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops
    in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two
    different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse
    and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of
    getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we
    just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people
    who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

    I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can
    help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and

    Your devoted fan,

    Can one of our more religious Netriders assist perhaps?
  2. Scott, go and purchase a New Zealander now! You are so going to hell you non slave owning, shell fish eating, sabbath working heathen! :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:
  3. The last thing we need is more bloody Kiwis here ;)
  4. LMAO! That's a classic! :LOL:
  5. Hehe, I've seen it before and I love it. I used to do the same thing to my Christian studies teachers, exploring the old testament and finding the most ridiculous 'laws' that we must live by else we should be killed, and when they suggested that not so much stock is placed in the old testament anymore, I'd go off about them being selective about which parts you listen to, and that if one part is erroneous, then the rest of it is suspect as well. Oh and I did alot of other things to make them question their faith.. I was a true bastard! I actually got '1st in christian studies' every year though, despite my constant abuse :LOL: :LOL:
  6. Where is rev Hornet now :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:
  7. an oldie but a goodie. so nicely articulated. thanks for the smile :grin:
  8. :rofl: Thats awesome!
    Im nearly exactly the same as Phizog haha my teachers hated me.
    "If jesus was jewish why do Christians like killing jews? was Hitler just being a good Christian?"
  9. Right here.

    Yes, it's funny (esp the bit about the neighbours being offended by the smell of burning bullock :LOL:) but it also betrays a lack of understanding of the Old Testament law. These laws were for the governing of the social, religious and moral lives of just one nation, Israel, between 1,500 BC and 34 AD (as it turned out). None of them are repeated in the New Testament, whose main message is to Christians, (not a race, but a body of people) and Gentiles.

    Khalton, I'd be very interested in your definition of Christian if you are lumping Hitler in with me :(.
  10. So is there a similar homosexuality is evil "law" in the new testament?

    Khlarton - you're a bike rider, but you don't represent all bike riders do you?? :-k Same with Hitler mate and his religious belief.
  11. Sarcasm mate. 8-[

  12. Hey!!! :LOL:
  13. Yes, in several passages.
  14. :rofl: no pun intended???! :rofl:

    Seriously though, is this Jesus talking or Paul talking?
  15. do not respond matti, it only encourages them :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:
  16. Jesus was still operating under the umbrella of the OT law, so the other statement are from Paul and the other Apostles.
  17. Thanks Paul.

    The OT Jews have a strict law against homosexuality. The NT followers have disciple/apostle guidance (believed to be divinely inspired, but could be humanly flawed...) on the topic.

    Happy to leave it at that. :)
  18. Well, that's good enough for me. I was beginning to think that it was gonna be compulsory.