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Why Bikes are Better Than Men

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by es, Feb 23, 2006.

  1. # bikes don't belch, snore or fart.
    # You can take a bike to the mall, and no matter how much time you spend there, when you return, it never asks "What took you so #%$^* long?"
    # bikes don't leave dirty socks and/or underwear all over the floor.
    # Your bike stays as clean as you want it to.
    # bike don't have parents.
    # bike let you know when something is wrong.
    # A bike does not worry obsessively about the size of its crank.
    # A bike will never ask "Are you gaining weight?"
    # A bike will never dump you for a younger, sexier rider.
    # If your bike goes flat, you can fix it.
    # bikes don't watch TV.
    # bikes don't snore.
    # bikes don't leave a mess in the kitchen or bathroom.
    # If you don't like the size of your bike you can get a new one.
    # You can try out as many bikes as you like before you get your own.
    # bikes never argue, you are always right.
    # bikes never wake you up in the middle of the night, for any reason.
    # bikes never try to show you off to their friends.
    # bikes don't come home drunk after a night out with its buddies.
    # bikes don't sneak around with other bikes.
    # bikes don't care what you look like or what your age is.
    # bikes don't care and don't comment about what you spend your money on.
    # You don't have to explain to a bike if you don't feel like a ride.
    # bikes don't complain if you wear "sensible" clothes.
    # bikes don't have egos.
    # bikes don't refuse to ask for directions when they're lost.
    # bikes don't need remote control units.
    # When you're lost you don't have to argue with it about stopping for directions.
    # When it's going too fast into a curve you can slow it down.
    # When you need someone to ride with it's happy to go.
    # You buy the tools it needs; it doesn't buy tools that never get used.
    # You don't have to explain to it the need for matching jersey and shorts.
    # You don't have to continually assure it that its crank length is just right.
    # You determine the length and frequency of the rides, and you're always on top.
    # It doesn't complain about you going out to dinner with your friends rather than staying at home with it.
    # You never get helpful suggestions from its mother.
    # It will ride with you even on Super Bowl Sunday. It never complains if you put on a few pounds.
    # It will never earn more that you do for the same job just because it's a bike .
    # It never spends a "night out with the bikes" and comes home with a strange rash on its saddle.
    # They don't get flat at the most inappropriate moments.

    A motorcycle can go for more than one ride in an hour.

    Motorcycles never develop spare tires.

    Motorcycles last longer.

    Motorcycles don't get you pregnant.

    A motorcycle doesn't care what time of month it is.

    Motorcycles don't have parents.

    Your motorcycle will let you know if something is wrong.

    You don't have to kick your motorcycle to get it going.

    Your motorcycle won't judge your friends.

    If your motorcycle is boisterous, you can buy a muffler.

    You won't have to put your motorcycle through grad school.

    If your motorcycle smokes you can do something about it.

    Motorcycles don't care about how many other motorcycles you have ridden.

    When riding, you and your motorcycle both arrive at the same time.

    One motorcycle will satisfy you every time.

    Your motorcycle won't ogle other motorcycles.

    Your motorcycle won't care if you have a poster of your fantasy

    If your motorcycle has high mileage, you can just get a new one.

    Motorcycles don't care about breast size.

    If your motorcycle is too soft you can get new shocks.

    If your motorcycle is misaligned, you don't have to discuss politics to
    correct it.

    You don't have to drink beer before your motorcycle looks appealing.

    You can be proud of your motorcycle regardless of the model.

    You don't have to go to Tiffany's to register your motorcycle.

    Your motorcycle won't beat you or try to make you feel inferior.

    You can ride a motorcycle as long as you want and it won't get limp.

    Your parents won't keep in touch with your old motorcycle after you dump it.

    Motorcycles always feel like going for a ride when you do.

    Motorcycles don't insult you if you are a novice.

    Your motorcycle never wants a night out alone with the other motorcycles.

    Motorcycles don't make you late.

    You don't have to primp before riding your motorcycle.

    Your motorcycle won't complain when you use protection.

    If your motorcycle doesn't look good, you can paint it or get better parts.

    You can't get a disease from a motorcycle.

    Your motorcycle won't care if you fake it.

    Motorcycles are always ready to stop when you are.

    Your motorcycle has a built in vibrator.

    Your motorcycle doesn't have to show off in front of other motorcycles.

    Your motorcycle won't lie to you.

    Your motorcycle doesn't care how heavy you are.

    In the morning, your motorcycle won't poke you in the back when it wants to go for a ride.

    You can turn the petcock off.

    Your motorcycle won't shrink when it's cold.

    If your motorcycle can't fire up, you can just replace the battery.

    You don't have to cook for your motorcycle.

    Your motorcycle can't ride around behind your back.

    If your motorcycle is cold you can choke it.

    Your motorcycle is always the right size because if it seems too small you
    can just get a new one.

    You can keep photos of your old motorcycles.

    Your motorcycle would rather go for a ride than watch sports.

    Your motorcycle can go for multiple rides.

    Motorcycles don't need pick-up lines.

    You only have to ride your motorcycle when you want to.

    Your motorcycle won't go for rides by itself.

    If baldness occurs, you can replace the tires.

    Motorcycles don't snore.

    Your motorcycle won't leave you for another rider.

    One gets in no trouble for storing disassembled pieces of the motorcycle in the basement.

    Disassembling the motorcycle is done out of pleasure rather than need.

    Motorcycles always sound pleasant.

    Your motorcycle will never check other riders that are cooler or thinner than you.

    You can check out the guy working on your motorcycle.

    Motorcycles don't come home drunk after a night out with its buddies

    Motorcycles are easy to buy for.

    Your motorcycle always looks good, even with the lights on

    Personal favorite... "If your motorcycle is cold you can choke it. "

    But then, they are forgetting about the group rides we have :shock:
  2. Very funny... :LOL:

    That depends on the bike.

    Oh Boy! .... You are scarey!! :shock:
  3. you do know you could ride them both at the same time? dont tell me you have not tryed that?
  4. not going there post wise phlegmy :LOL:

    bikes are way easier to get along with is all :)
  5. gee Es, you obviously dont know too many men by the sounds of it.. :LOL:
  6. Hehehe I have seen both versions of this.. and I still laugh everytime I read it

  7. :LOL: :LOL: :grin: :grin: Funny!! :grin: :applause: :applause:
  8. Nobody elses bike does this??? :?
  9. Very clever, even if I do find it insulting!! :LOL:
  10. Eswen, after reading this and your "pooing at work thread" i can state that you are a very unique individual! Not many people think the way you do and that's very special - Never let anyone tell you otherwise. (i'm sure you don't anyway)

    .....i mean this in a good way :) Keep it up!
  11. Ok, here is my smattering of devil's advocate play ... a why motorbikes are better than women thread would also be good but sure to get VERY ugly :twisted:



    Dolmio grin is ok

    Kick start

    Gimp mask

    Same with men


    Unless it’s a certain gpx250 held together by pop rivets :p

    Patently untrue :LOL:

    Better than Vicroads

    Not what they say about a thou

    p0rn stars

    Tell that to everyone who posted in the who dropped their first bike thread

    Only if you are a squid

    Fungal infections from hot sweaty leathers etc.

    Tell that to everyone who ever t-boned something

    So does a man, it’s called a tongue

    But it MAKES the rider do it

    Physics - Power to weight


    Tell that to AprilliaGirl

    Unless it’s stolen

    Same as blokes

    Tell that to Kishy


    Ashley and Martin, rug or number zero

    Nah it sux as well

    Not 250’s

    Unless you drink and ride

    Not grey imports

    Only in the eye of the beholder

  12. lol
    though i do believe that it can work in both ways

    eg: bikes are better then woman....

    but i would not rather go into that :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:
  13. But we can stop them from getting on us :p
  14. There is a bikes better than women one floating round. I think ill post it too

    Milos... we dont mind our friends hopping on our bikes... and we know that if they try to steal them we can get justice.
  15. hmmm ( if ur motorcycle smokes u can do something about it)! like?
    umm hows ur tail pipe darlz? still smokin? :LOL: :LOL: have u done anything about that yet? :wink:
  16. Also, a motorbike won't care how many times you have to stop to go to the toilet.

    A motorbike will wait until you're ready.

    A motorbike will speed up or slow down on your command

    If a motorbike dies out on you, you can call it all you want and it wont answer back

    You can get undressed in front of your motorbike and it won't bother you

    A motorbike can cough and fart.......but that always gets a laugh

    I'll post more when I think of them....
  17. Did anyone say that a motorbike will go down on you when you least expect it?

  18. :LOL: that one is funny as!
  19. This doesn't exactly make the bike better :p
  20. Depends what sort of kinky shit you're into