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when you are really, really scared....

Discussion in 'The Pub' started by kezza01, Jun 1, 2007.

  1. some of you may have realised by now that i can be one incredibly fearful individual.

    i completely admire and respect those of you who 'seem' to flow through life without appearing to be scared. no doubt, like me, everyone is scared of something or at some stage and what i see is not what is underneath.

    me, i seem to have lived with fear of something for all my adult life. some of it fairly nebulous stuff to be scared off, some just a little 'nibble at the edges of my soul' unease. but there have been many times when i have reached almost complete paralysis. like today when i left home 30 minutes later and was confronted with bumper to bumper peak hour traffic for a 45 minute commute to work (only the third time i've done this trip), only to have to turn around almost immediately and come home in the absolute peak of peak hour because my daughter was very ill and needed a lift to the doctor.

    there have been instances where i have been at 'throw-up at the mere thought' stage as well. but, on the other hand - chuck me on a stage in front of 1000 people or more at a major international conference, and i'll spruik along quite merrily....

    what i started doing a couple of years ago was challenge a list of goals - most of which i realised 1 year after writing them down were things that scared the daylights out of me.

    after this morning, i've been thinking - why do i put myself through this? does everyone else absolutely hate being so scared of things that they literally can't move? not just occassionally but almost every day?

    so, it's got me wondering - what do you do when you get really scared of something?
  2. I run away screaming like a girl when faced by something that scares me, lucky for me I am fearless :LOL: :LOL:

    Hey Kez we are all scared at some point, you need to work out whether it is anxiety or because you are out side your comfort zone.
  3. ....it depends on so many things... psychology definitely comes into it... the type of fear, where it comes from, why etc etc

    I guess ultimately fear is a survival mechanism. If you can assess why your survival instinct has been inflamed and whether there is a kernel of truth involved with the fear, then that might put you in the drivers seat to control it...??

    Alternatively, I recommend everyone do at least ONE skydive.

    For me at least, my first jump put a clear perspective on how mental fears and barriers hold us back and mess with our mind.

    The first time over the threshold climbing out onto the strut of the cessna, took super human effort... the thing was, there was actually nothing in my way... just a mental barrier. The barrier was almost tangible, but the experience blew it away and reduced the effect of mental barriers from then on. Unfortunately, I only got to do 30 jumps before I gave it away.

    In my improv acting workshops, there are a plethora of games, tricks, techniques, skills, exercises which deal wholly and solely with fear, and how fear gets in the way of being in the moment and contributing to a good scene. I'd say almost every exercise in someway ultimate reduces down to one thing, "It's ok to fail". When you give yourself permission to do something wrong and look silly, and interestingly this applies to all aspects of life, life becomes a bit less complicated and fears hold a bit less sway.

    On a completely different tack, you ride a motorbike... some people list riding a bike as a life goal and do so because of the fear and danger they perceive about riding... you're already fearless in their eyes! Take that onboard and let it spill into the other avenues of your life.

    Go for it!
  4. Well, it depends...

    Does [activity x] involve real risk of injury/death?
    If yes, but there's a good chance it can be pulled off and a sense of awesomeness at the accomplishment will be felt: then what is known as 'fear' is really a healthy respect for physics, gravity and sharp rocks :)
    --> and I'll usually do the activity.

    I might call this, though, a 'rational fear'.

    If [activity y] is likely to involve injury/death, then I probably won't engage in the activity out of 'rational fear' at the high chance of unpleasantness [particularly if the activity is without reward].

    To otherwise engage in the activity, I might call 'stupidity'.

    If I hold an irrational fear of something, ie. a phobia or just something I really don't like - this can be spiders or brussel sprouts, etc.
    I can force myself to [pick up the spider / eat the brussel sprouts] easily enough, but also respect my own right to NOT do so if I don't want to, and screw anyone else's judgement of me for doing so.

    But all the time?
    Like - if you just expect the worst to happen all the time, then that's pessimism... but if you're genuinely fearful of everything; geez, take some prozac, get out there and graze some knees or something :)
  5. The only thing i guess i could say i'm scared off, or at least wary of is the sea/ocean, having sailed in some bloody rediculous conditions and been part of a maritime search and rescue group, there have been times i was absolutly shit scared, but in the case of the ocean i think being scared is probably healthy.
  6. Oh i know that feeling, havn't gone back for more, but really want to

    May i point out the irony of this quote withe proceeding quote?

    If at first you don't succeed
    then Skydiving is not for you.

    "I must not fear.
    Fear is the mind-killer.
    Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
    I will face my fear.
    I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
    And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
    Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
    Only I will remain." Isaac Asmov
  7. am intruigued - were you on the bike when this happened or in the car ?? what was it about the situation that made you so afraid ?? traffic ?? last minute change of plans ?? your daughters illness ?? all factors combined ?
  8. i was on the bike. riding in to work was quite scary because there was 45 minutes of bumper to bumper and i haven't been game to try splitting or shoulder-riding. so by the time i got to the office, i was shaking - but thinking it was ok cause i'd have all day to calm down - then on to coffee club for our evening meeting. i've done that twice before and survived ok. but it has meant i've been able to avoid the real peak hour traffic.

    my daughter was sick before i left and i guess i felt that normal 'mother-guilt' - should i stay home? would she be ok? was it ok for me to go to work? but she is nearly 21 and said she'd be fine....

    then 5 minutes after i got into the office, she range - could i drive her to a doctor please. the main morning 'in town' peak traffic had only just started. so i faced even more bumper to bumper. and people in a hurry to get to work......

    i had to wait til someone else came in so the office phones etc were covered. so it all just built up and up in my mind.....and i felt sicker and sicker.......

    generally i try to play mindgames with myself - for the whole week before the first time i rode into work i kept telling myself 'i won't decide til the very last minute'.....this time i couldn't do it......

    but this is only an example of the sort of fear i've felt in the past. i once hired a houseboat for a week - and returned it within 25 hours cause i was so afraid......
  9. hahahahaaaaa. Us blokes dive straight into solutions, but Mrs Scumbag asks all the pertinent questions! ...Venus and Mars indeeeeed!

    Falcon Lord... Irony noted!! BUT I did insert the word ALTERNATIVELY!!... so the latter wasn't directly related to skydiving you goose! By the way, there are many ways to fail in skydiving without the finality of death!... one classic way is die at the social bonfire part of the day, after a few beers and too much dutch courage! :LOL:
  10. :shock: She's nearly 21 and calling you to take her to the quacks :?: tell her to HTFU or drag her own sorry ass down to the docs.
  11. sorry Kezza, have to totaly agree with Woodsy on yr daughter.....nearly 21 is way too old for you to be running her around like that and worrying about her. Dammit, the girl has the right to vote !! let her take some responsibility for her own wellbeing.

    Ok - off the soap box now.

    From the very brief descriptions above I am guessing that you need help on a couple of fronts.

    Situations we cant control or that put us in danger trigger a "flight or fight" response, however some people (and you sound like one of them) go into a "paralysis" response where they are unable to react at all & literaly freeze with fear (mentaly or physicaly). For the majority of people this "paralysis" response is often momentary & then the adrenaline kicks in as the brain starts rationalising, reacting, processing data to calm you down & get you out of the situation. (one of the reasons why lots of us go to Superbike School etc to learn how to overome that oh shit !!......moment.) (oh and to ride better)

    As you have managed to get on a bike, learn how to control it, pass your licence tests & get riding - you have proven to yourself that you CAN overcome these "paralysis" moments, overcome your fears & that you CAN do what is required when you want to achieve something.

    What you need to continue to do is to allow yourself the time to process your fears, become acustomed to situations (desensitise) or rationalise what is making you scared right at that moment.

    Take baby steps. Perhaps riding in heavy peak hr traffic when you have to make it to work by a deadline is too big a step for you to make right now. Perhaps a bit of practice in a more localised traffic situation (Sat morning at a busy shopping centre ??) would help you get a bit more desensitised to bad traffic situations. You can apply this set up to almost anything that stresses you out......small steps, small steps.

    Another area you might like to look at is some meditation techniques that can be used to calm yourself down in situations where you feel uncomfortable or starting to become scared.
  12. Awwww, why does every one feel the need to apolagise when they agree with me :( I'm so depresed, think i'll go slash my wrists. NOT :p :woot: Friday, Friday, Friday. :beer: :beer: :bannanabutt: :dance: \:D/ :music:
  13. Thats actually the Bene Gesserit prayer / invocation from Dune. Not written by Asimov.
  14. kezza - sounds like you suffer from a little bit of anxiety.

    My mum's the same, but I'd never make her drive me to the doctor if she was already at work! :)

    Have a chat to your normal doc about it, he may recommend someone you can see. They won't just throw you on anti-depressants or anything stupid, but sometimes they can help you identify an underlying worry you have that's starting to affect other areas of your life [identifying that can sometimes fix it, just because you now have the reason for feeling a certain way] - they can help you switch perspective, give you some breathing exercises to calm you down - all that kind of thing.

    ... just ask your doc.

    In some people, it can lead to proper stress [with health problems resulting] or depression.

    I'm not saying this is totally you!
    But you're obviously concerned enough to ask us the question, so I reckon that's good enough to ask a professional the same question in this instance :)

    Good luck!
  15. Yep

    Frank Herbert to be exact. Awesome series of books. :cool:
  16. Oh i know something else that scars the bejesus out of me.

    Mrs Drew when we ran out of shots last Saturday night.

  17. well, in many respects, i'd agree with you and mrs scumbag, but would you want one of your kids, or parents, or family, driving themselves to see a doctor over half an hour away when they can't walk down the corridor to the toilet? or have such a high temperature that they can't stop shivering? and can't see out of their eyes because they are swollen up tight?

    and you don't live in an area where there are taxi's? or buses that go near a drs surgery?

    sorry, but i'm gunna disagree on this one........

    btw - the diagnosis is either tonsillitus, pneumonia, glandular fever, or severe flu - won't know til all the latest round of tests come back.....with all the poking, prodding, scanning, testing, and general dr intervention she's had i wouldn't be going near a doctor again if it was me!
  18. Bloody nerds :mad:

    I'm only annoyed becasue you beat me! :p
  19. Bloody nerds :mad:

    I'm only annoyed becasue you beat me! :p
  20. "I must not fear.
    Fear is the mind-killer.
    Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
    I will face my fear.
    I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
    And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
    Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
    Only I will remain."

    regardless of who wrote it, i think it is very good. now, if only i can commit it to memory......

    so, what other suggestions do people have about conquering fear?