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whats your fav dawin award?

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by D Stump, Oct 29, 2007.

  1. here's mine

    when a fella was charged with possesion of weopon [hand grenade] his defense was

    "its a toy"

    because it was part of defense they brought it into court

    the judge held it and...............................and..................and

    pulled out the pin


    what kind o effin moron of a judge is under the impression defendants tell the truth?

    my goodness!

    what you got guys?
  2. Maybe the judge knew something the defendant didn't... the judge probably had the police bomb squad take the explosives out of it and wanted to see the defendant's face to know if the defendant was lying about thinking it was a toy...
  3. Assuming this is a Darwin award as the title suggests, then the police bomb squad presumably failed.
  4. Reading Stump's bulldog post.
  5. (1 October 2002, Saginaw, Michigan) Jim was pushing 60 when youthful memories of Easy Rider brought him to the local Harley-Davidson dealership. "It was a mid-age crisis," he told a reporter. "I'd see dudes with women and thought a motorcycle would put me in like Flynn."

    When the dealer delivered the gleaming new hog to Jim's front door, his eyes lit up like a boy receiving a Red Ryder 200-shot carbine air rifle with a compass in the stock, and no grownups around to warn him that his new toy could put an eye out!

    Jim started the engine and felt its pulsing, guttural power. It had been 30 years since he had been in the saddle of a babe-magnet like this. He revved the engine and listened to it purr. He kicked it into gear and roared off down the road. Born to be wild.

    Ten seconds and a tenth of a mile later, Jim slammed into a neighbor's utility trailer at 40 mph as he tried to remember how the throttle worked. The cops who investigated told him it was a miracle he was alive. He survived with just a few broken ribs. "Oh my God," he said, "I hurt in places I didn't know could hurt."

    Insurance covered repairs to the bike and the trailer. Jim sold the restored dream machine for $800 less than he paid, but every few weeks, he continue to receive mailings from his complimentary membership in the Harley Owners Group. Some dreams die hard.
  6. After much reading, I had to pick this one:

    (October 2004, Chiayi, Taiwan) Most rutting contests involve two male mammals, like the Rocky Mountain bighorn sheep (Ovis dallis), which ram into each other at high speed in order to impress a female sheep and win the right to procreate. These mammals tend to have unusually thick skulls and extra fluid surrounding the brain to prevent damage from the competition. Humans tend not to have such thick skulls and other natural adaptations, and therefore do not generally rut.
    Of course man, the tool user, can find artificial means to overcome natural limitations. One well-known example of this behavior is the medieval jousting contest in which participants wear armor and ride horses toward each other at high speed.

    The most recent observation of human rutting behavior occurred when two Taiwanese university students donned protective helmets and revved their motor scooters in an effort to impress a comely female of their species. The two were the same class, but not friends. Other classmates reported that both men fancied the same female student.

    After indulging in a few drinks during the Mid-Autumn Festival, the two encountered each other, and words were spoken. The gauntlet was thrown down. In lieu of horses, the two would ride their motor scooters at each other at high speed, and the one who didn't turn away would win the exclusive right to pursue the female.

    Obviously both were very keen on her, because neither of them turned away. Their scooters collided head-on at 50 mph. Both died instantly. The girl at the center of the rut refused to comment, other than to say that she "wasn't interested in either of them."
  7. This one is my favourite. Mythbusters have also done this (Bolted a JATO to a car) and is well worth the look.

    Only problem is that it is a fake! Who would have thought that people would lie on the internet!! Still it is a funny read.


    The Arizona Highway Patrol were mystified when they came upon a pile of smoldering wreckage embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The metal debris resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it turned out to be the vaporized remains of an automobile. The make of the vehicle was unidentifiable at the scene.

    The folks in the lab finally figured out what it was, and pieced together the events that led up to its demise.

    It seems that a former Air Force sergeant had somehow got hold of a JATO (Jet Assisted Take-Off) unit. JATO units are solid fuel rockets used to give heavy military transport airplanes an extra push for take-off from short airfields.

    Dried desert lakebeds are the location of choice for breaking the world ground vehicle speed record. The sergeant took the JATO unit into the Arizona desert and found a long, straight stretch of road. He attached the JATO unit to his car, jumped in, accelerated to a high speed, and fired off the rocket.

    The facts, as best as could be determined, are as follows:

    The operator was driving a 1967 Chevy Impala. He ignited the JATO unit approximately 3.9 miles from the crash site. This was established by the location of a prominently scorched and melted strip of asphalt. The vehicle quickly reached a speed of between 250 and 300 mph and continued at that speed, under full power, for an additional 20-25 seconds. The soon-to-be pilot experienced G-forces usually reserved for dog-fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners.

    The Chevy remained on the straight highway for approximately 2.6 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied the brakes, completely melting them, blowing the tires, and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface. The vehicle then became airborne for an additional 1.3 miles, impacted the cliff face at a height of 125 feet, and left a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock.

    Most of the driver's remains were not recovered; however, small fragments of bone, teeth, and hair were extracted from the crater, and fingernail and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of the steering wheel.

    Ironically a still-legible bumper sticker was found, reading
    "How do you like my driving? Dial 1-800-EAT-SHIT."
  8. i remember that one ^^^ :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:

    i didnt know any of them were fake or on the internet. i just buy the wendy nthct book now and then. tis either confirmed, unconfirmed etc

    will have another peek tonight [despite all the other books im supose to be reading :roll: cant pass up a darwin! tis so much fun and definately re readable because i always forget em

    cheers :cool: