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What NOT to call your dog!

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by cruiser_bloke, Apr 8, 2008.

  1. Everyone who has a dog calls him rover, or spot, or boy. i call mine "sex"! now sex has been very embarassing to me. when i went to city hall to renew his dog license, i told the clerk "i would like to have a license for sex". he said "i'd like to have one, too". then i said "but this is a dog". he said he didn't care what she looked like. then i said "you don't understand, i've had sex since i was nine years old". he said "you must have been quite a kid".

    when i got married and went on our honeymoon, i took the dog with me. i told the hotel clerk "i want a room for my wife and me, and a special room for sex". he said "every room in the place is for sex". i said "you don't understand, sex keeps me awake at night". the clerk said "me, too".

    one day i entered sex in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away. another contestant asked me "why are you just standing there, looking around"? i told him "i planned to have sex in the contest". he told me that I should have sold tickets. "but you don't understand", i said, "i had hoped to have sex on tv". he called me a show-off.

    when my wife and i seperated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. i said "your honor, i had sex before i was married". the judge said "me too".

    last night sex ran off again. i spent hours looking around town for him. a cop came over and asked me "what are you doing in this alley at four o'clock in the morning"? i said "i'm looking for sex". my case comes up two weeks from friday! can anyone lend me $500 for bail?
  2. I can't pay for your bail, but I've found your dog.

    He had your wife's contact details on his tag, so I returned him to her.

    She said she was lonely and that Sex meant everything to her. Who was I to disappoint?

    Your wife came over for Sex, but he was outside at the time. "Let's go through the back door for Sex," I said.

    Unfortunately it was locked tight and we had to make do with the front door until I could find some lubricant for the tight spots.

    I had Sex under the fig tree in the backyard.

    Your wife left after Sex, saying "I have a really important business meeting tomorrow, but you're a great guy."

    After that, I haven't had Sex since.
  3. Very good. Nice addition to the end.

    PS. Wife hasn't mentioned anything about getting sex today.

  4. I'm always amused when I think of the name that tony "plugger" lockett gave to his grey hound...he called him "nads".

    Nothing funny about that until the dogs out in front and the crowds yelling...Gooooo Nads...Gooooo nads...gonads.
  5. I decided to call my race horse My Face.

    Just wanted to hear all the toffee nosed women at the races yelling out "Come on My Face, Come on My Face".
  6. At times like that, you need a handy milk tanker.
  7. Thats Gold!
  8. thats f'in gold :rofl: great call with the race horse:rofl:
  9. #9 Tack, Apr 9, 2008
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 13, 2015
    I remember an race call with a horse named Hoof Hearted....as the horse crossed the line all you could hear was the caller yelling...hof farted who farted who farted!!!

  10. One of the first bands I was in was called Free Beer, so that signs outside pubs said:

    Free Beer here tonight.

    We got a few good crowds till the landlords stopped booking us.