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what am i to do? (bit long)

Discussion in 'General Motorcycling Discussion' at netrider.net.au started by idontlikemondays, Jun 20, 2007.

  1. ok, this is a bit of a bleed, and a bit of a cry out for advice.

    my girlfriend is getting her bike license next month. we have been going out for two years, and have been best mates for almost 8 years, so as you can imagine the old couple arguments occur from time to time.
    my real problems that im having are two basic things

    firstly, she doesnt have a great deal of confidence in her own ability on the road. she cried every time she was learning in her old mans 4wd. she wont even ride a pushy on the road. this really concerns me. confidence is one of the most important elements of road craft, second only to awareness. are some people just best off not to ride?

    secondly, gear. she brought a good rjays jacket and gloves and a kbc helmet. she has some high cut leather boots which will provide abit of ankle protection. she wont buy pants, she thinks they are a waste of money. after the numerous times ive found myself sliding down the tarmac i know they are anything but, and i try to get this point across to her, but she just wont listen. she says things like " oh ill only be riding down to uni, im not going to crash, ill be really careful" this is something else that really worries me, saying she wont crash cause shes only going down to uni!!

    anyway, this disscussion which has been replayed over and over always ends up in an argument with her acusing me of not being supportive and negative.

    i really do worry about her well being getting a motorbike licence, not because of her abilty, but everyone else inability.

    anyway, ive written this up as a last resort, im buggered if i know what to do to improve the situation.

    im happy to recieve any constructive objective or subjective comments on either of us. am i being an over protective tool?

    thanks in advance

  2. She'll be right mate...

    ...or maybe, she'll crash and die. That would be a bummer.
  3. You're not beign supportive enough.

    If she wants to be silly and not wear protection, you should support her in that. It's her choice.

    Just make sure she understands that if she ends up a scarred and malformed freak after an accident because she didn't listen to you, you're ditching her so fast for her younger sister........
  4. Maybe all you can do is make sure she does have the protective gear (i.e. a pair of draggins) and let her go.

    If she gets that nervous in a car, it wont take her too long to realise maybe she shouldnt be on a bike.
  5. Has she got a bike? Is she going for her licence or L's?

    Spend time with her in an empty car park on the weekend. See how she handles the bike. Do some figure 8's, then U turns.

    If she handles all this OK, then there is just as you pointed out, her "awareness" is what's next. Follow her on the road, point out what she has done wrong, but more importantly praise what she did well.

    Just because you've slid down the road numerous times, doesn't mean she will :wink:

    You're not being over protective, you're just trying to look after someone you care about. Have some confidence in her ability and she may surprise you :cool:
  6. So not snag

    LOZ!!???..Shame on you. Poor guy did not need to hear that.
    Don't give up your day job to come a dear abbey columist OK.

    Dom, good on your for giving a damn, but you can only push your point so far before it starts to get ugly and it sounds like you've made your point and it's not been taken on board - which is completely her perogative.
    She has got to do her own thing and you can either support her or nag until the r'ship is eroded. Just think about how many guys on this forum have whinged about their female halves putting their foot down about the whole bike riding issue. How does that make them feel about the nature of the relationship?
    She needs to make her own path and unfortunately if that involves risk, then so be it. But hey, why not be sneaky and buy her a pair of cute hornee jeans for a birthday, anniversary whatever. She can hardly throw a present back in your face now can she?
    Yay, women's lib. Now you know how women have felt over the centuries having to sit back and watch their life partners go out and do all sorts of dumb stuff (not you personally, just generalising enormously here of course).
  7. Please explain why if she won't ride a pushbike on the road, why does she want to ride a motorcycle on the road?
  8. i realise that they're not cheap and all, but perhaps you could buy her a pair of draggins/hornees as a 'present' for getting her L's? i dont think you are being overprotective at all. there's no such thing when it come to bikes and the people we care about most, imho. in any case, best of luck with working something out!
  9. Marry here, then tell he you are the man of the house and she will do as you say!!!! End of story!!!! :LOL: :LOL:

    Ok, it didnt work with my wife either, but I think the present of the jeans is the way to go.
  10. Buy her a pair of Draggins jeans out of your own pocket.

    Say that's your way of being supportive. If she doesn't wear them, then she's not appreciating your support. :wink:

    And if you've got the protective gear, and you don't wear it, are you an idiot? Try that line on her (perhaps replace 'idiot' with 'silly').

    I mean I have boots that are a pain to get on and off. I know if I don't wear protective gear, I'm an idiot. But what am I if I have the gear and I elect not to wear it?
  11. OK seriously, get her some hornees, and be prepared to nurse some dinosaur bumps and scratches. My missus fell off a dozen times, all at slow speed, and lived to tell the tale. I reckon it's tops you've got youself an adventurous sheila who's keen to have a crack at it. From the sound of things, she'll be ripping wheelies within months.
  12. I've been on both sides of this.

    Didn't want Sverre to get his license...not because I didn't trust his ability, but others.

    He paid for my license as a present. I was NOT comfortable. But I did it. The more I did it, the more comfortable I was. I would not get on a bike until I had the most gear I could. I still don't have proper boots, but I have everything else.

    Her excuse of 'just going to uni' is BS. Trust me, I learnt only yesterday that all you have to do is stop at stop lights and you can fall over :oops:

    She needs to understand that your concerns are not because you're NOT supporting her, it's because you love her and care about her.

    All that being said, if she's going to be stupid enough to do all this without having the confidence, without having the right gear etc etc then it's HER stupidity, not yours.

    It looks to me that it's a 'phase' she's going through - wants to do it because YOU are, and therefore have other friendship circles that she's not a part of (could be completely wrong here, it's just the impression i'm getting).

    For HER sake, I hope she passes through this phase before she gets herself killed.

    ....Sorry if this is harsh or blunt, i'm tired and sooky :p
  13. I humbly suggest two things

    1. Accept that she is going to learn to ride, and whole heartedly do your best to make sure she becomes as good a rider as she can be. Is it possible that she is learning to ride because she wants to be a part of what you love to do? I wish my wife was that supportive of my passion.

    That way you're at least minimising the risks as much as possible.

    2. Go out and buy her a pair of draggins or similar jeans, and as a joke, ice breaker etc, one of the new draggin kevlar bikinis (no jiokes.. fair dinks)

    when you give em, tell her that you're ecstatic that she wants to ride, but you're really scared she'll be hurt, and you couldn't hack it if she didn't have the right gear.

    Hope that helps, if it doesn't..... go plan b... go for a ride, get some beer, go home and get paraletic.
  14. bring her along to a coffee meet and/or a ride...

    get someone to pillion her for a bit, or do so yourself. I'd be happy to do so if you wish, so she can get a feel for what it's like out there on a bike. I'm also happy to show the damage to my gear that has occurred from me taking a slide that most riders would have been unable to avoid.
  15. Shes really lucky that you care so much.. I got a flat out "don't be stupid" when I said I wanted a bike.. that's okay though because I learned when I got the electric scooter that I'm a danger to myself on the road..

    Unfortunately when women get into a mind set they usually only learn the hard way.. and with a bike its REALLY hard lessons.. the draggins as a present is a good idea..

    It's the other people on the road that she's not factoring in.. as previously suggested, taking her for a pillion ride might make her more aware..

    If you know anyone whos been in an accident maybe they could talk to her.. may be better coming someone other than you as she might bring on the "unsupportive " argument on again.. or introduce her to the forum maybe?? I've found the advice on here very helpful.. :grin:

    Heres hoping it works out well for you and your girlfriend..
  16. Go and buy her a pair of Hornee/Draggin jeans. $200 is a small price to show her you support her decision and care about her and her safety. :)
  17. thanks heaps for the advice everyone.
    yeah, anniversary is coming up. ill be off to MCAS to buy a pair of draggins shortly then! i didnt know they made bloody draggin bikinis??
    car park option sounds good too, hopefully thatll become the old pac on a quite weekday shortly :grin:
    tweet, she doesnt like riding the pushie cause not being able to keep up with the traffic scares her. i couldnt make sense of that either.

    her desire to ride would partly stem from the fact that both i and her older brother ride, but the other big part of it is trying to gain a bit more independance.
    i am really happy that she has chosen to get into it, i was just abit worried about the reasons in my original post.

    again thanks for the advice i really appreciate it!

  18. I don't ride my pushie on the road for the same reason. If you can't match traffic speed you become nothing more than an obstacle. Obstacles on the road are usually cleaned up by cars sooner or later. :)
  19. this sounds like self-denial to me. What is odd is you mention she doesn't have much self-confidence on the road, yet she's sure she won't be crashing because (essentially) she's not planning to?

    there are lots of pics and anecdotes of road rash stories on the net - I suggest you dig some up and show them to her. Be sure to stress this isn't to discourage her from biking, but encourage her to wear the right gear.

    I think buying her the draggin's is the right way to go - it puts your money where your mouth is, and shows her you're hardly discouraging her from taking it up, just doing it the right way.

    That said whether they'll actually get used depends on the level of self-denial.
  20. All advice given is good mate.. All you can do is advice..

    While on the topic of the gf, why dont you stick up some pics of her.. lol