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Want to Ride a motorcycle - Read this

Discussion in 'General Motorcycling Discussion' at netrider.net.au started by b12mick, Jul 23, 2014.

    So you’ve decided you want to ride motorcycles?

    Outstanding. It’s the most bestest thing you can do to un-dull your dreary life ever.

    A great man once said that most men lead lives of quiet desperation. But motorcyclists are not “most” men and thus we do not lead such lives.

    But before you lay down your money, pull on your nice new helmet and wheel yourself onto the roads, please consider the following…


    Do you actually, truly, cross-your-heart-and-hope-to-die burn with the desire to ride? You’d better. Because if there is even the slightest doubt or hesitation that riding bikes is what you have to do, do not buy a bike. Motorcycling is a harsh mistress. It’s like getting into a hyper-intense p0rn-sex relationship with an insane supermodel. Big highs and big lows, pilgrim. If you’re not really sure, finding out it’s not for you will usually happen as you’re looking at a truck axle as the wheels turn your limbs into meat-jam.

    She’s got nothing on the Oxley Highway at 243km/h.

    Motorcycling does not suddenly provide you with beaut new mates who will take a bullet for you, hide bodies you have murdered and kill all the witnesses. If you’re socially awkward, you will remain socially awkward. But you’ll have more fun on your own since riding is better than sitting on your couch and masturbating into a sock over Miley Cyrus music clips.

    For the love of God…No!

    Motorcyclists are not one big happy family of brothers and sisters of the handlebar. The dickhead-to-good person ratio is actually somewhat higher than it is in normal society. Motorcycling, for reasons that should be obvious, attracts more than its fair share of tip-rats, knob-garglers, douche-asaurs and shit-plaiters. Happily, they are usually easy to spot and can be avoided. Look for and avoid like the plague, fluoro vests, marketing exercises disguised as social clubs, urine-soaked pensioners styling themselves as motorcycle lobbyists, and anyone who has a microphone on their helmet.

    This will not buff out easily.

    Be prepared to be intimate with pain. No, it’s not true that everyone falls off. But a lot do. It’s like that crazy super-model analogy. One day, her hunting knife might slip and she will cut you during the greatest sex you’ve ever had, and then because she’s crazy, she’ll put on a little black dress and go clubbing while you bleed out on her bathroom floor. Motorcycling being what it is, ie. You sitting astride an engine between two wheels and largely relying on laws of physics you cannot understand not to die or be maimed; and when shit goes wrong, it goes wrong large. If you cannot accept this, buy a car.

    Warmed by the Peoples Great Spirit of Unity.

    Temperature extremes will need to be dealt with. So if you’re a delicate flower who cannot abide extreme cold or extreme heat or being hammered in the face by tropical thunderstorms, you might need to reconsider your decision to ride. As a beginner, you will not buy all the gear you need in the first few years of your riding career. But even when you do, you will learn that there is no such thing as a totally ‘waterproof’ piece of riding gear, and that sexy Italian leather racing jacket you had to have when you bought your bike is as good at keeping you warm as fire-hose.

    This will not be you. Ever.

    You will never learn how to ride like a god. The entire length of your riding career – be it as brief as summer thunderstorm as long as Kevin Costner movie – is a constant learning curve. You will know more about riding a year after you start, but you will still not know it all two decades into your love affair. In fact, you will never know it all. That is why it is such a glorious thing.

    “I am so gonna clean your shit.”

    Motorcycling is inherently and magnificently and stunningly dangerous. I assume that is why you want to do it, because that is certainly why you should want to do it. Now that we’re crystal clear on that, please never try to make it safer. Would you want your supermodel sex-goddess not taking cocaine and dressing in a rubber maid outfits when she secures you to the bed with spiked chains and injects tequila into your femoral artery? Of course you wouldn’t. Motorcycling is the purified and distilled essence of all that it means to be human – great risk equals great reward. If you’re shaking your head at this, it’s not for you.

    From http://www.netrider.net.au/index.php/things-consider-buying-first-bike/

    • Like Like x 7
    • Winner Winner x 3
  2. Thanks @b12mick@b12mick Boris can be a funny bugger at times. :)
  3. There is no mistaking his style , always an entertaining read.
  4. Always a good read when Boris writes.
  5. I thought you might enjoy it.

  6. Yep I was at his second stanza when I thought this sounds like Boris. .Always entertaining but when Boris reaches for a metaphor, he really reaches ... "It’s like getting into a hyper-intense p0rn-sex relationship with an insane supermodel." LOL Boris, we all know what that's like!
  7. What ever brings the page views.
  8. Can I please have a pint of whatever the author was drinking?
  9. And don't forget...If you are in Sydney tomorrow the booklaunch for Boris' second novel, "At the Alter of the Road Gods" is at the Indian Dealership at around 1pm. Details are on the Bike Me Facebook page or website....He might even sign it for you....

    Kobo :cool:
  10. Why must we avoid flouro vests?
  11. Because they achieve very little in the way of safety and have a unique way of making the wearer look like a cock...
    • Like Like x 5
    • Agree Agree x 1
  12. I am strongly for fluro vests with reflectors
  13. It makes it hard to know when to check your letter box.
    • Like Like x 1
  14. Because if you wear fluro, drivers think you are a council worker and therefore not moving.
    • Like Like x 1
  15. I'm prepared to put safety over style. After following me home in her car one night, my wife said that I was really hard to see - I was a black rider on a black bike in the dark and the single light at each end got easily lost amongst all the other car's lights. So I tried a vest and was told that was much better.

    So I may look like a council worker but if that means someone doesn't pull out or into me because they didn't see me, then I'm all for it.

    I don't see why you would advocate wearing all the available physical protection but not visual protection.
    • Like Like x 1
    • Funny Funny x 1
  16. ^^Has to be a troll right?

    There has been an abundance of discussions on HIGH VIS and its all bullshit... it doesn't make you more visible on the road i'm sorry to break it to you, have a search of this forum and you will find all the relevant info.

    Your wife has pulled one over on you.

    If you think that you'll be saved by ATGATT and HIGH VIS then LOL.
  17. I think there are a few points here:

    In daytime, hi-viz is a waste of time. It can be shown that if the sun is low, black can be a better colour than hi-viz.

    Night time, the hi-viz is not what is saving you, but the reflective stripes. My black and grey jacket has reflective piping that is very visible at night. I also ride a bike with fairly bright headlights. Maybe you should look into the visibility of your bike as well as yourself.

    Lastly, just because you have hi-viz on does not mean you will be seen. It can make you feel more visible, and hence actually put you in more danger. If my (late) father in law can hit an ambulance with its lights flashing and siren going, then hi-viz is not going to make much difference.

    It's your choice, but don't think it is going to save you. Only your riding skills, roadcraft and ability to predict danger will ultimately keep you safe. Don't expect others to do so.
    • Agree Agree x 5
  18. It takes all types
  19. @mikey@mikey

    No not a troll, a newb asking an honest question and beginning to think these forums are fairly aggressive.

    @middo@middo. Yes, definitely it's the reflective stripes. I even added some to the bike (waiting for more abuse about that now).