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Vicroadium - scientific explanation of a new atomic element

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by robsalvv, Mar 16, 2012.

  1. A new element that has been in development for the past 50 years has recently reached completion. This element is VicRoadium (Vr), an element that contains unique properties capable of absorbing time or extending time. Thus the development time of 50 years is equal to a real time equivalent of 632,000,000 years or alternatively capable of requiring the same amount of time in the projected future to arrive at the same place it is today. Vr has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

    These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lefton-like particles called peons. The purpose of the morons is to ensure there is no bonding between VicRoadium and the rarest of all elements CommonSensium (Cs) The introduction of a single molecule of CommonSensium will immediately cause the structure of VicRoadium to disassemble releasing harmful morons into the atmosphere where they seek similar host elements such as TACs RTAs and QANGOs. Since VicRoadium has no electrons or protons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.

    A tiny amount of VicRoadium can cause a reaction normally taking less than a second to take from four days to four thousand years to complete.

    VicRoadium has a normal half-life of 20-6,000,000 years. It does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganisation in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

    In fact, VicRoadium 's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganisation will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming Isodopes. Isodopes have unique characteristics and when excited by exposure to Polimorons or Enforcium are capable of creating huge amounts of friction.

    This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that VicRoadium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration.

    This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass. When catalysed with money, VicRoadium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as VicRoadium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons squared. All of the money is consumed in the exchange, and no other by-products are produced.
    • Like Like x 18
  2. Vicroads and the TAC dropped sponsorship for the Grand Prix this year, because, you know, Speed Kills.

    It only took them sixteen years or so to realise that the Grand Prix involves driving fast, and turns ordinary citizens into hoons for a day or two. Morons.
  3. Was that the reason (oh, thanks for the funny post, Rob), Rod? Or has it something to do with Bailleu's razor gang and the need to extract every last cent out of the various government authorities in order to prop up a ballooning deficit, caused by a lot of these morons that Rob speaks of?
  4. Good job sir =D>
  5. I heard VicRoadium reacts drastically with MinorSpeedium but is completely unreactive with UTurnium.
    • Like Like x 1
  6. I think that your right, along with a softening up process for eventually cutting this particular lead balloon free.

    Can I add to the list, Rob? How about Localgovernmentalium - the element with the fastest rate of atrophy ever observed? Extremely unstable, prone to flinging off intellectons and reverting to venalium and dissensium
  7. Nerdrider FTW
  8. Gold!!!!

    No not Vicroadium, i mean the post.
  9. Ah, so you've heard of Latrobe Shire, then...
  10. I can't lay claim to the OP. It was emailed to me - it was too good not to share. lol
  11. I like that Vicroadium sounds like "Imodium", which I also associate with a dribbling arsehole...
  12. I was being kind to them. They probably still have realised the link between racing sports and speed on public roads.

    Was it ever appropriate for a government organisation to sponsor the Grand Prix when it was already heavily subsidised by the state government? I think not. Lead balloon indeed. It should, and probably could have been self funding.

    Nice find BTW Rob. Thanks for sharing.
  13. Hey Roderick, I'm not sure I'm quite on exactly the same page as you - Let me play devils advocate.

    If racing promotes "bad" road behaviour then sponsoring the event to get your message directly targetted to the key target "bad road user" audience is actually a fairly smart move. Getting the logo and message on every bit of GP material would be a highly efficient use of the media dollar. From that point of view, it's surprising they dropped the sponsorship.

  14. I saw a figure of $50mil bandied about this week, as the cost to the Victorian public to host the GP.
    Surely any decision to withdraw sponsorship was a financial one?
  15. Gold - very well constructed piece of prose.......this needs to be published
  16. My take is that people who would normally drive sensibly go to racing events and come out hyped up on adrenalin, inspiration and over-confidence. Haven't you even been heavy footed after watching a movie like "Fast and Furious"? Been to a rally and driven home a little closer to the edge?

    Sure, the advertising might be seen by the right people, but will they even notice it when a race is on, or remember any of it once behind the wheel?

    I love a good Bathurst, or Targa, or some rallying, but not a great fan of the Grand Prix. Not interesting enough. But I'd rather see actual driver education delivered to all drivers, and when they are likely to take notice.

    Anyway, we are being too serious here. This is the Jokes and Humour forum!
  17. Ok I'll fix that!

    How's that?*

    LOL :D

    *content may have been edited from original
    • Like Like x 1
  18. Can you imagine the reaction of the VicRoads senior management just after they read it.
  19. Honestly, I can't.....