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Venus and Mars

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by Gromit, Dec 14, 2005.

  1. Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From
    Venus" offered by an English professor from the University of British

    The professor told his class one day: "Today we will experiment with
    a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person
    will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As
    homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short
    story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy
    to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another
    paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to
    me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on
    back-and-forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in
    order to keep the story coherent. There will be absolutely NO talking
    outside of the e-mails, and anything you wish to say must be written in
    the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been

    The following was actually turned in by two of his English
    students:Rebecca and Gary.

    THE STORY (first paragraph by Rebecca)

    AT first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
    chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now
    reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he
    liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind
    off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about
    him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of
    the question.

    (second paragraph by Gary)
    Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack
    squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think
    about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie
    with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to
    Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar
    orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could
    sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a
    hole through his ship's cargo bay.The jolt from the direct hit sent him
    flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

    He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he
    felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman
    who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its
    pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4.
    "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,"
    Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously
    excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her
    youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no
    newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of
    innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her.. "Why must one
    lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

    Little did she know it, but she had less than 10 seconds to live.
    Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched
    The first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks
    who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the
    congress had left Earth a defenceless target for the hostile alien
    empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours
    after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for
    Earth, carrying enough fire power to pulverize the entire planet. With
    no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The
    lithium Fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President,
    in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off
    the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which
    vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The
    President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow
    this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"

    This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My
    writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

    Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at
    writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I have
    chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F---ING TEA??? Oh no,
    I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!"

    A $$ h o l e.

    B i t c h


    Go drink some tea. W h o r e.

    A+: I really liked this one
  2. damn.... laughed out loud now my boss knows I was browsing forums again!@
  3. That's a real cool one!!!
  4. Stero-typical, but a hoot, thanks! :D