I've decided, for my own ludicrous pleasure, to maintain a thread whose purpose will be to chronicle the dipshits who've caused me grief on my daily trips to and from work. Let's get cracking! Tonight I'm riding along a nice and busy highway in Melbourne's metro suburbs. I came upon some red lights, and seeing a nice clear gap between the left and middle lane, I go for the filtering. Nice and casual, nothing over the top. Whoops, it's a shorter light than I thought and I haven't made it to front! I stop at about the space where I can see the traffic starting to move in a few moments, and wait for it to do just that. I'm nestled between a sedan of some description, and a big fat Toyota Tank... I mean Landcruiser. My position, however - and this was intentional - is just far enough ahead of the Landcruiser that when the traffic begins to move, I can comfortably move in front of him without impeding his trip or causing any danger to him or to myself. He decides this isn't acceptable, and begins to move before there's even room for me to get in front of him. The car to my left (the Landcruiser being in the middle lane) is going about its business, driving along, and fair enough. But this means that with the Landcruiser deciding quite clearly that he's not going to let me in front of him, I'm stuck riding along between two moving vehicles. I eventually find a good enough gap to comfortably lay on the throttle (which isn't exactly instant power when you're on a two-fiddy) and move in front of him - with a strong shake of the head. Now of course, this all happened in the space of maybe 10 seconds, but it was bloody annoying and I cannot for the life of me understand what has to happen in one's life for one to become that much of an arsehole that he has to go out of his way to put that kind of fear and danger in front of someone. On to the second story, which happened only minutes later (this shit seems to be happening to me in 2s lately)! I'm cruising along with the tried and true 3-second gap between me and this cute little MX-5 in front of me, approaching an intersection, in the right lane. The MX-5 pulls into a right-turn lane, which will take her across the street into the shopping centre on the other side of the ride. As I'm about to pass her, she realises she's taking the wrong turn, and quickly shoots out into my lane. Now I have a reasonable head on my shoulders, and I always try to give myself as much room as I need - so when she shot out into traffic, I didn't need to go for too much brake to save myself. She then slips into the right-turn late at the intersection itself, which coincidentally is where I'm going. I sidle up beside her, and lo and behold, it's a cute little Japanese girl yapping away into her mobile phone. I rap on the glass, advise quite angrily that she's a dipshit (although it was more like "YOU ALMOST KILLED ME BACK THERE") and she stares at me dumbfounded, phone still glued to her ear. I then say "HOW ABOUT PAYING SOME F***ING ATTENTION?!" and she puts the phone down and puts her hand up in a "oh, so sorry" kind of way. Light changes and I ride off. And so my desire to have a little roller-door installed over my numberplate (like the vertical motorised steel shutters that roll out and slide down over garage entrances and shop windows in Springvale) continues. It'd be great. Whenever I feel compelled to kick somebody's car in, I just click the button, down goes any chance of identifying me, and in goes somebody's car door panel. Until next time, you've been a wonderful audience!