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Unpublished Article on being married to an “Aging” Woman

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by Mouth, Jul 12, 2005.

  1. Unpublished Article on being married to an “Aging” Woman
    by Danny Jones, Jr

    It is important for men to remember, that as women grow older it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive and there is nothing worse then an oversensitive woman.

    Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Carol. When I was laid off from my consulting job and took "early retirement" in April, it became necessary for Carol to get a full-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed.

    Shortly after she started working I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the Golf Course about the same time she gets home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the club so eating out is not reasonable. I'm ready for some home cooked food when I hit that door...

    She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now, it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.

    I really think my old business as a consultant helps a lot. I consider telling people what they ought to do one of my strong points... And speaking of bed, her age really shows up there. I go out and golf all day, come in dead tired and after a two hour nap and a good meal, I'm ready, if you know what I mean. Age has gotten her so bad that she actually dozes off during lovemaking. But that's okay. Her satisfaction in that area is important to a sensitive guy like me and if she enjoys sleeping during our little trysts, what the hey...

    Now that she has gotten older, she does seem to get tired so much more quickly. Our washer and dryer are in the basement. Sometimes she says she just can't make another trip down those steps. I don't make a big issue of this, as if she finishes up the laundry the next evening, I'm willing to overlook it. Not only that, but unless I need something ironed to wear to the Monday Lodge meeting, or to Wednesday's or Saturday's poker club, or to Tuesday's or Thursday's bowling, or something like that, I will tell her to wait until the next evening to do the ironing. This gives her a little more time to do some of those other odds and ends like shampooing the dog, vacuuming or dusting...

    Also, if I had a really good day on the course and it was wet and muddy, my clubs are a usually mess, so I let her clean them, you know.....get the grit off the grips and use a little light steel wool on the club faces at a casual pace. My golf bag is heavy so I lift it out of the trunk for her. Women are delicate, have weak wrists and can't lift heavy stuff as good as men. But I did tell her I don't like to be wakened during my after golf nap, so rather then bother me, she can put them back in the boot when she's finished.

    Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But fellas, we take em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days. That way she won't have to rush so much.

    I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points.

    When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half finished mowing the lawn. I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me too, then take her break by my hammock. That way she can talk with me until I fall asleep.

    I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Carol. I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do, how frustrating women get as they get older.

    However, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this earth to help each other...

    EDITOR'S NOTE: Danny died suddenly Thursday, July 7th. He was found with a Calloway extra long 50 inch Big Bertha Driver rammed up his rectum with only 2 inches of grip showing. His wife Carol was arrested, but the Grand Jury accepted her defense that he accidentally sat on it. She was released on Friday, July 8th.
  2. I hope it was a slow painful death.....copped what he deserved
  3. Jason, I think you are asking for a death wish with that one :p

    Make sure you wear the lead vest to bed, you never know, Sarah might just try to stab you after that one.

    Then again, she might be busy washing the golf clubs or doing your ironing all night :p

  4. She's a bit lazy . I didnt read anything about her washing the car , it wont wash it's self. :p :wink: 8)
  5. midnight we know who wears the pants at your house and its not you. :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:
  6. The woman should have got the chair! Poor little guy, we'll miss him :(