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Understanding Engineers

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by 2wheelsagain, Dec 21, 2007.

  1. Hope this isnt a repost but I stole it from another forum :shock:

    Understanding Engineers - Take One
    Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, 'Where did you get such a great bike?'

    The second engineer replied, 'Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want.' The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, 'Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway.'

    Understanding Engineers - Take Two
    To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

    Understanding Engineers - Take Three
    A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, 'What's with those blokes? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!' The doctor chimed in, 'I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!' The priest said, 'Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him.' He said, 'Hello, George! What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?' The greens keeper replied, 'Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire-fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.' The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said 'That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.' The doctor said, 'Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them.' The engineer said, 'Why can't they play at night?'

    Understanding Engineers - Take Four
    What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.

    Understanding Engineers - Take Five
    The graduate with a science degree asks, 'Why does it work?' The graduate with an engineering degree asks, 'How does it work?' The graduate with an accounting degree asks, 'How much will it cost?' The graduate with an arts degree asks, 'Do you want fries with that?'

    Understanding Engineers - Take Six
    Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

    Understanding Engineers - Take Seven
    An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, 'If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess.' He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, 'If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.'

    The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, 'If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want.'

    Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, 'What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?'

    The engineer said, 'Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool.'
  2. ah right after reading all that it explains a lot about robsalvv :LOL:

    they are great :LOL:
  3. OY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :evil:


    I definitely definitely would have kissed the frog.
  4. I was wondering who would be nominated :LOL:
  5. Love it.

    Considering I'm surrounded by so many Engineers at work it explains so much about them. :LOL:
  6. I'm an engineer, but I've been tainted by too many salesmen.

    I would have negotiated for longer than a week. :grin:
  7. Take Eight
    A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

    The man below says, "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."

    "You must be an engineer," says the balloonist.

    "I am," replies the man. "How did you know?"

    "Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's of no use to anyone."

    The man below says, "You must be in management."

    "I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

    "Well," says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."

    Take Nine
    If you stare at an orange juice container because it says CONCENTRATE

    If the only jokes you receive are through e-mail

    If you look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys

    If you have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts

    If, at Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string

    If your ideal evening consists of fast-forwarding through the latest sci-fi movie looking for technical inaccuracies

    If you have "Dilbert" comics displayed anywhere in your work area

    If you carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a test that actually takes five minutes to run

    If you are convinced you can build a phazer out of your garage door opener and your camera's flash attachment

    If you don't even know where the cover to your personal computer is

    If you know the direction the water swirls when you flush

    If you own "Official Star Trek" anything

    If you have ever taken the back off your TV just to see what's inside

    If a team of you and your co-workers have set out to modify the antenna on the radio in your work area for better reception

    If you own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts

    If you have never backed-up your hard drive

    If you are aware that computers are actually only good for playing games, but are afraid to say it out loud

    If you truly believe aliens are living among us

    If you have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance

    If you have ever purchased an electronic appliance "as-is"

    If you see a good design and still have to change it

    If you still own a slide rule and you know how to work it

    If you own a set of itty-bitty screw drivers, but you don't remember where they are

    If you rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires

    If you have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal

    If you have more toys than your kids

    If you need a checklist to turn on the TV

    If you have introduced your kids by the wrong name

    If you have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work

    If the microphone or visual aids at a meeting don't work and you shove up to the front to fix it

    If you can remember 7 computer passwords but not your anniversary

    If you have memorized the program schedule for the Discovery channel and have seen most of the shows already

    If you have ever owned a calculator with no equal key and know what RPN stands for

    If you can type 70 words a minute but can't read your own handwriting

    If people groan at the party when you pick out the music

    If you can't remember where you parked your car for the 3rd time this week

    If you have more friends on the Internet than in real life

    If you thought the real heroes of "Apollo 13" were the mission controllers

    If you think that when people around you yawn, it's because they didn't get enough sleep

    If you spend more on your computer than your car

    If you know what http:// stands for (bonus points if you actually care)

    If you've ever tried to repair a $5.00 radio

    If you have a neatly sorted collection of old bolts and nuts in your garage

    If your three year old son asks why the sky is blue and you try to explain atmospheric absorption theory

    If your 4 basic food groups are: 1. Caffeine 2. Fat 3. Sugar 4. Chocolate
  8. Engineer, or anyone who graduates from University, are useful but only once they've got 10 years of on the job exerience.

    I hate when a still wet behind the ears graduate tries to tell me how to do something but I do love proving them wrong.

    A good engineer is one who listens to those of us with years of experience and actually takes that info on board before making a decision on something. I've got most at work well trained now :wink:
  9. :LOL: Funny stuff JD

    Is it fair to say you're not an engineer if you have to click that to see what it does?
  10. Husband has a friend, friend is engineer, he is

    Understanding Engineers - Take Six
    Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

    Take one BRAND NEW 2007 Suzuki Hyabusa, ride it ONCE, decide it should be original, one-off bike and try to TURBO it. Spend 8 months stripping down and repairing and re-building and breaking and stripping down and repairing and re-building and breaking etc etc etc :shock: but it was a BRAND NEW bike?!?!?!?! And it's still BROKEN!

    I don't understand engineers - and have no intention of trying to understand that one!
  11. Here's how NOT to have a conversation with a male engineer:

    Girl: ... cool, so I'll see you tonight at 7 then. Great, hey what about the weekend, do you want to catch up over the weekend?

    Engineer: Sure, how's saturday?

    Girl: ... ohhh kaaaay, any reason why not sunday?

    Engineer: No reason just a preference, is Saturday ok?

    Girl: Oh, um, ok, well why don't we talk about it tonight.

    Engineer: Sure whatever, is everything ok?

    Girl: <pause>...yep, everything is fine.

    Girl: Cool. Got ya tied down for tonight. What about the weekend?

    Engineer: Sure, how's saturday?

    Girl: ...noooo! That doesn't suit me at all. I'm asking you why you prefer saturday over sunday, can't you read between the lines, I prefer sunday. Why saturday????

    Engineer: No reason, just a preference (you actually asked me if I wanted to and I suggested a day?? If you don't like it - just suggest something else. I'm confused), is Saturday ok? (?what day do you prefer?)

    Girl: Nooooo! It's not Ok, you're such a dummy, why can't you read between the lines?!? I can't think straight now - I'm in a tizz... let's talk about it tonight.

    Engineer: Sure whatever, is everything ok?

    Girl: NOOOO! You failed to read my mind. You're such a boy. How much clearer could I have been. OOOh, I'm so frustrated!! ...yes everything is Ok. I'll talk to you when I'm all better after I've loofahed and exfoliated and done my nails. Geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez


    Ladies, the art to talking to a male engineer is very simple. Just get to the bottom line... state what you want and want what you state... and if you must drop hints, drop a few or 10. Engineers WANT to be right and they aim to please. It's a trait that can work to a gal's advantage.


    *The depicted conversation in no way reflects actual events. Any resemblance is purely coincidental.
  12. I think that applies to blokes in general doesn't it?

    If you want something, don't expect us to read your mind, don't drop subtle hints, don't drop obvious hints, just out with it and ask for it!
  13. #14 zilly, May 12, 2008
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 13, 2015