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Understanding Engineers

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' at netrider.net.au started by brownyy, Jun 17, 2009.

  1. Sorry is it's a re-post.
    Stolen from an Email forward;






    Understanding Engineers - Take One

    Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

    The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

    The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."



    Understanding Engineers - Take Two

    To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.




    Understanding Engineers - Take Three

    A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those blokes? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."

    He said, "Hello, George! what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."



    The group fell silent for a moment.. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."

    The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"



    Understanding Engineers - Take Four


    What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.




    Understanding Engineers - Take Five


    The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"



    Understanding Engineers - Take Six

    Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"



    Understanding Engineers - Take Seven


    Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.




    Understanding Engineers - Take Eight


    An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a Princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."

    Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."


    [​IMG]


    :?
     
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  2. :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:

    Brilliant!
     
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  3. :LOL:

    but... where does this stereotype, that engineers aren't interested in sex, come from?

    everything else is prettymuch spot on though.
     
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  4. For the greater part, there's the nerds who neither drink or have sex, the drinkers who drink themselves to impotence at social occasions where sex might be an option, and the women who are generally unfit for such purposes.
     
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  5. My favourite engineer gag is:

    How do you know the difference between an introvert engineer and an extrovert engineer?

    An introvert engineer looks at his shoes.

    An extrovert engineer looks at yours.

    :LOL:
     
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  6. Have you ever been to a engineering class at uni? male:female ratio - 1000000000:1 <-- female drops out 2nd year
     
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  7. :LOL: +100

    Bring on having classes in the Art's building... :grin:
     
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  8. Yeah I think it's more we are incapable of scoring rather than we aren't interested.

    The "features" joke annoys me a bit too. That's more of an electronics or mechatronics engineers thing.

    Most other engineers will try to build something they think you need rather than what you think you need and will have no regard for the cost. the number of features is not an objective.
     
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  9. nah, they are all gay anyway. Nurses.
     
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  10. :?:




    What I meant was, when we had some of our classes shifted to the art's buildings, it was a chance for the deprived engineering students to see real live females in the flesh... rare, very rare in the engineering building (well, one's worth looking at anyway)
     
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  11. What I meant was all the sheilas in the arts faculty bat for the same team. You are better off having classes in the nurses faculty.
     
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  12. having both a business and engineering undergrad degree I can safely say that while the females over at the business/economics faculty were prettied up, they mostly didn't offer much by way of stimulating conversation. The 10 females in engineering were more interesting, but a few probably slept with half of the faculty on their own so it was wise to steer clear.

    /end generalised stereotypes
     
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  13. i'd have to say........i would like to join Science or Commerce anyday ;)....ratio is stackd up pretti nicely.

    Unfortunately, over in my engineering year....the ratio ISn't as bad as 1,000,000 GUys: 1 chick....buttt....its because the ratio of good:bad chicks just isn't great, and theres no in between option for that ratio either.

    BUt, having said this, the younger engineering students in the years below me are offering up some decent potential.

    On the flipside of the stereotype, the ratio in "Chemical Engineering" has girls stackd up way more againest guys.
     
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  14. im at the end of an engineering /commerece degree. keeps a nice balance and keeps me sane

    in engineering though there are 10 girls for every 90 guys. the only problem is those 10 girls also look like guys
     
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  15. Based on your observations you could also say that the 90 guys look like girls.
     
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  16. Three engineers and three accountants are travelling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.

    "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant.
    "Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.

    They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets.

    He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

    The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all).

    When they get to the station they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all.

    "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed accountant.

    "Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.

    When they board the train the three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding.

    He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please."
     
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  17. :LOL:

    That's a good one. However, everyone knows that engineers build their own jet-packs and so don't ever catch the train.
     
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  18. :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: Oops! just wet myself :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

    and I live with an engineer - too funny! :rofl:
     
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  19. so does my flatmate but I don't see her laughing. :(
     
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