Welcome to Netrider ... Connecting Riders!

Interested in talking motorbikes with a terrific community of riders?
Signup (it's quick and free) to join the discussions and access the full suite of tools and information that Netrider has to offer.

This thread is now o-pun!

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by fekkinell, Oct 4, 2009.

  1. It seems to me that there are a few punsters in the ranks.

    "My daughter saw a herd of llamas. I said, 'We could stop and dally there.' She said, 'Alpaca suitcase.' "

    It can only go downhill from here.

    Do your worst!

  2. ........No.
  3. :WStupid:

    Har Har!!
  4. OK - you asked for it!
    Prepare to be punished!

    Does a clockmaker's dog have ticks?

    When the TV repairman got married, the reception was excellent.

    Last night, I kept dreaming that I had written Lord of the Rings. The wife said I'd been tolkien in my sleep

    The play about Walter Lindrum started right on cue.

    My desire to be a dermatologist was only skin deep.
    I knew I was destined for osteology. I could feel it in my bones.

    I got a deal on a new computer, and they threw in the operating system to boot.

    and finally a biblical one for Hornet

    “Why can a man never starve in the desert? Because he can eat the sand which is there.

    But what brought the sandwiches there?

    Why, Noah sent Ham, and his descendants mustered and bred.”

    Come in Hornet & Tweetster...
  5. This may well be one of the best, I'm sure there is some that will remember it....

    Sittin' at home last Sunday mornin' me mate Boomerrang Said he was havin' a few people around for a barbie, Said he might Kookaburra or two.

    I said, "Sounds great, will Wallaby there?"

    He said "Yeah and Vegemite come too".

    So I said to the wife "Do you wanna Goanna?". She said "I'll go if Dingos".

    So I said "Wattle we do about Nulla?"

    He said "Nullabors me to tears, leave him at home."

    We got to the party about two and walked straight out the kitchen to put some booze in the fridge. And you wouldn't believe it, there's Boomer's wife Warra sittin there tryin to Platypus!

    Now, I don't like to speak Illawarra, but I was shocked, I mean how much can a Koala bear.

    So I grabbed a beer, flashed me Wangarratta and went out and joined the party.

    Pretty soon Ayers Rocks in and things really started jumpin'. This Indian girl, Marsu, turns up, dying to go to the toilet but she couldn't find it. I said to me mate Al, "Hey, where can Marsupial?" He said "She can go outback with the fellas, she's probably seen a cockatoo".

    Well just then Warra comes out of the kitchen with a few drinks for everybody. Fairdinkum, you've never seen a Coolabah maid. I grabbed a beer and said, "Thanks Warra - tah".

    A couple of Queensland at the party, one smellin' pretty strongly of aftershave. One of 'em sat down next to me and I turned to him and I said, "Ya know mate, Eureka Stockade!"

    It was a really hot day; Oscar felt like a swim. He said to Ina, "Do you want a have a dip in the Riverina?" She said "I haven't got my Kosciusko".

    Well Bo says, "Come in starkers, Wattle Lake Eyre!" Ina says "What, without so much as a Thredbo?" Ah, Perisher thought! Has Eucumbine in yet?

    Well a few of the blokes decided to play some cricket. Boomer says "Why doesn't Wombat?" "Yeah, and let Tenterfield".

    He said I should have a bowl but I was too out of it to play cricket so I suggested a game of cards. I said to Lyptus "Wanna game of Eucalyptus?" He said "There's no point mate, Darwins everytime."

    Well Bill said he'd like a smoke. Nobody knew where the dope was stashed. I said "I think Merinos." But I was just spinning a bit of a yarn. Barry pulls a joint out of his pocket. Bill says "Great, Barrier Reefer, what is it mate?" "Noosa Heads of course. Me mate Adelaide 'em on me." And it was a great joint too, Blue Mountains away and his Three Sisters.

    Well I thought I'd roll one meself, I said "Chuck us the Tally Hobart". He said "They're out on the Laun, Ceston, can you get em for us?" Burnie says "Its okay mate, she's apples, I'll get em for ya"

    Just then Alice Springs into action, starts to pack Billabong. And you wouldn't believe it, the bongs broken. I said "Lord Howe!"

    "Hay-man" somebody says "Will a Didgeridoo?" I said "Hummmmm mummmm mummmmm mummmmm maybe it'll have ta."

    I look in the corner and there's Bass sittin there, not getting into it, not getting out of it, I said "What, is Bass Strait or somthin?" Boomer says "As a matter a fact mate, he's a cop" I said "Ya jokin mate, a cop, I'm getting outta here, lets Goanna." She said "No way, I'm hangin round till Gum leaves. Besides, I dont wanna leave Jacardanda party on his own. Have you seen him? I think he's trying to crack on Toowoomba, he's already tried to Mount Isa And he'll definitely try to lead you Australiana!"
  6. ..always up for a bit of pun!!..... \\:D/

    It seems that Mary Poppins has moved to California. She has started a business telling people's fortunes. But, she doesn't read palms or tea leaves, she smells one's breath. That, right, the sign outside reads: Super California Mystic Expert Halitosis.

    Once upon a time there were two canaries in a cage. Naturally, one was male and the other female. After many months, the male decided to meet the female. So he scooted over to her side of the cage and said,

    "Since we're in this together, why don't I move over to your side of the cage!"

    The female canary replied, "No, thanks!!"

    So he went back to his side but found he could stay there no longer. Once again, he moved to her side of the cage. This time he asked,

    "I am sorry I was to forward the first time. Why don't we get to know each other first."

    To which she replied again, "No, thanks!"

    Resigning himself to return to his side of the cage, he languished about for a bit then made one final effort. He went halfway across the cage and stated,

    "Well, could we at least talk?"

    This time she replied, "Oh, I am so sorry I have been so mean. You see I just learned I have a canarial disease called, "Chirpies" and I hear it is untweetable."

    Queen Nyteshade had two claims to fame. She could tell fortunes and she was a midget. The local authorities frowned on her because they thought that fortune telling was fraudulent. They had Queeny arrested. She was placed in a holding cell. Since she was so small she was able to squeeze between the bars of her cell and escape. This to incensed the judge that he ordered the local newspaper to print an article about the culprit. The following was printed in the paper the next day. Small medium at large.


    An elephant was drinking out of a river one day, when he spotted a turtle asleep on a log. So, he ambled on over and kicked it clear across the river.

    "What did you do that for?" Asked a passing giraffe.

    "Because I recognized it as the same turtle that took a nip out of my trunk 53 years ago."

    "Wow, what a memory" commented the giraffe.

    "Yes," said the elephant, "turtle recall".


    Snow White received a camera as a gift. She happily took pictures of the Dwarfs and their surroundings. When she finished her first batch she took the film to be developed. After a week or so she went to get the finished photos. The clerk said the photos were not back from the processor.

    Needless to say, she was disappointed and started to cry. The clerk, trying to console her, said,

    "Don't worry. Someday your prints will come".
  7. From the highly esteemed Goon Show:

    Grytpype-Thynne: 'Stand away from the window Moriarty, you know those blinds are only drawn and not real'
  8. ..Doctor, the invisible man is here to see you..

    ...well tell him I can't see him!!

  9. Obviously a man of taste, sensibility and cardboard underpants... :p

    The Goons had probably the worlds worst puns (until Netrider came along)

    Seagoon: Bloodnok, I need your help.
    Bloodnok: I'm sorry, it's her day off.

    and probably the first instance of one of the ultimate "Dad" jokes...

    Bluebottle: Yes, why do you not open the door?
    Eccles: Okay, I'll- How do you open a door?
    Bluebottle: You turn the knob on your side.
    Eccles: I haven't got a knob on my side!

  10. Whole generations of Netriders will have no concept of the Goon show Tony. A sad thing. Thanks for the Goon memories. ;)
  11. Always loved that one.

    Showed it to the graduates at work a while back and they just didn't get it.
  12. Kinda sad really.

    Only discovered it last night and I think it may have changed my life.
  13. i dont seem to understand how to edit my posts!

    Yep!!... you are right!!... it's sad!!... :p

    Ever since my friend had all the digits amputated from his feet, I find him very annoying.
    I think I might be lack-toes intolerant.

  14. Really? Which corner of teh internets have you been hiding in? It's been one of my favourites for years, I would love to know who created it.
  15. Goon Show every night at 6 pm channel 2, also on the radio!
  16. I dunno?:-s Usually I'm pretty up to speed on things, hell, on friday night I went to see a doco about viral videos and the Winnebago Man. But this slipped past the keeper!

    My life is now complete.
  17. Really Tweets,
    if that was any weaker it would be a fortnight :bolt:
  18. Ralph was driving home one evening and realized that it was his daughter’s birthday and he hadn’t bought her a present. He drove to the mall, ran to the toy store and asked the store manager: “How much is that new Barbie in the window?”

    The manager replied: “Which one? We have Barbie goes to the gym for $19.95, Barbie goes to the ball for $19.95, Barbie goes to the nightclub for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $375.00.”

    “Why is the Divorced Barbie $375 when all the others are $19.95?”, Ralph asked.

    The manager replied: “Well, Divorced Barbie comes with Ken’s car, Ken’s house, Ken’s boat, Ken’s dog, Ken’s cat and Ken’s furniture.”

    It's not actually a pun - rather a pun-ishment...:)