40 things not to say during sex: 1. But everybody looks funny naked! 2. You woke me up for that? 3. Did I mention the video camera? 4. Do you smell something burning? 5. What tampon? 6. Try breathing through your nose. 7. A little rug burn never hurt anyone. 8. But whipped cream gives me the shits. 9. Can you make some noises, so that hottie next door thinks I'm good? 10. Hurry up! This room rents by the hour! 11. Can you please pass me the remote control? 12. Do you accept Visa? 13. Ew - on second thought, let's turn off the lights. 14. And to think - I was really trying to pick up your friend! 15. So much for mouth-to-mouth. 16. Try not to leave any stains, okay? 17. Hope you're as good looking when I'm sober... 18. Got any penicillin? 19. But I just brushed my teeth... 20. Smile, you're on Candid Camera! 21. I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs! 22. I want a baby! 23. So much for the fulfillment of sexual fantasies! 24. Did you know the ceiling needs painting? 25. When is this supposed to feel good? 26. Put that blender back in the kitchen where it belongs! 27. Did I remember to take my pill? 28. I wish you'd let me put this bag on your head... 29. No, really... I do this part better myself! 30. It's nice being in bed with a woman I don't have to inflate! 31. You're almost as good as my ex! 32. And to think, I didn't even have to buy you dinner! 33. I was so horny tonight I would have taken a duck home! 34. Are those real or am I just behind the times? 35. You'll still vote for me, won't you? 36. Did I mention my transsexual operation? 37. I'll tell you who I'm fantasizing about if you tell me who you're fantasizing about... 38. Sorry about the nametags, They're to avoid any embarrassment later. 39. You could at least ACT like you're enjoying it! 40. Petroleum jelly or no petroleum jelly, I said NO!