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They dont come any worse than this!

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by farawayman, May 26, 2005.

  1. A couple decided to go for a meal and after some deliberation settled
    for their local Chinese restaurant.
    They peruse the menu and finally agree to share the chef's special,
    'Chicken Surprise'.

    The waiter brings over the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.
    Just as the wife is about to start in on the meal, the lid of the pot
    rises by a tiny amount and she briefly sees two beady little eyes
    looking around before the lid slams back down.

    'Good grief, did you see that?' she asks her husband.
    He hasn't so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and
    again the lid rises, and he sees two beady little eyes looking around

    before it firmly slams back down.
    Rather perturbed he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening,
    and demands an explanation.

    'Well sir', says the waiter, 'What did you order?' ''We both chose the
    same', he replies, 'the Chicken Surprise'
    'Oh I do apologise, this is my fault' says the waiter...

    'I've brought you the 'Peeking Duck'

    :LOL: :LOL:
  2. That is the WORST
    Man you should be drummed out of the service for digging that one up.
  3. yes they do :

    A Frenchman, an Englishman and a Texan were captured by cannibals. The chief comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now that we've caught you, we're going to kill you! We will put you in a pot and cook you, eat you and then use your skins to make a canoe! The good news is that you get to choose how you die." The Frenchman says, "I will take ze sword!" The chief gives him a sword and the Frenchman yells, "Viva la France!" He then runs himself through. The Englishman says, "A pistol for me, please!" The chief gives him a pistol, he points it at his head, says, "God save the queen!" and blows his brains out! The Texan says, "Give me a fork!" The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The Texan takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over - the stomach, the chest, everywhere! The Texan has blood gushing out all over! The chief is shocked. He asks the Texan, "What are you doing?!" The Texan replies, "So much for your canoe!"
  4. Along Chinese lines

    A man is dining in a restaurant in Peking when he finds a piece of rubber tyre floating in his soup.
    He calls the waiter who expresses surprise at his reaction but does nothing, so the diner demands to see the maitre'de.
    When the maitre'de comes to the table, the man explains the situation and the maitre'de says, in perplexed tones, "We don't know what you are worried about sir. Everything is going according to plan, the car is replacing the horse."

  5. :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause:
  6. The garbo comes past a house at 5am to see a bloke sitting on his verandah. He yells out "OY MATE, WHERE'S YA BIN?"

    The bloke cheerfully replies, "I BIN ON HOLIDAY MATE"

    Laughing, the garbo yells back, "NO YA DRONGO, WHERE'S YA WHEELIE BIN?"

    The bloke hangs his head and yells back "OK, OK, I WHEELY BIN IN JAIL."

    I kill me.
  7. Why did the boy fall off his bike????
    :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:

    Because someone.....
    threw a fridge at him!!!!!!


  8. hehehehehehehehe - dickhead
  9. why did VTRBob cross the road?

    cos he still had his $%&# caught in the chicken
  10. Two goldfish are in a tank.

    One says to the other.

    "You Drive,............ Ill Man The Guns"

    :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:
  11. What is VTRbob's best pick up line?

    Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
  12. Q. What did one wall say to the other wall?

    A. I'll meet you at the corner :LOL: :roll:
  13. Why'd the girl fall off the bike? Because she had no arms!

    Why couldn't the baby crawl along the hallway? Because someone stuck a

    bayonet in its head!
  14. What did they call Postman Pat after he retired?

  15. What's brown and sticky???

    A STICK!!!!
  16. One day a baby seal walked into a club...
  17. My all time favourite that no one else likes...

    Whats brown and funny??

    clown poo!!!
  18. *in a Nelson voice*

    Ha Ha . . . . . there are Tree Kangaroo's, real cute lookin browny/fawny kangas :p :p :p :p :p :p :p :p


    Cheers 8)