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The (verified) 2005 Stella Awards...

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by TonyE, Jul 13, 2006.

  1. There are actually genuine Stella Awards published by a journalist in Colorado who is involved with law reform - someone sent me the 2005 awards.

    I figured I'd research these and there does appear to be some independent verification from various sources - the #2 and #1 stories are definitely true :LOL: :LOL:

    These are the 2005 Runners-Up and Winner:
    (links or references that may or may not verify them are after each story)

    #7: Bob Dougherty. A prankster smeared glue on the toilet seat at the
    Home Depot store in Louisville, Colo., causing Dougherty to stick to
    it when he sat down. "This is not Home Depot's fault," he proclaimed,
    yet the store graciously offered him $2,000 anyway. Dougherty
    complained that offer is "insulting" and filed suit demanding $3

    #6: Barbara Connors of Medfield, Mass. Connors was riding in a car driven by her 70-year-old(!) son-in-law when they crashed into the
    Connecticut River, and Connors sank with the car. Rescue divers
    arrived within minutes and got her out alive, but Connors suffered
    brain damage from her near-drowning. Sue the driver? Sure, we guess
    that's reasonable. But she also sued the brave rescue workers who
    risked their lives to save hers.
    (Claudia Van Nes, "Town Sued Over River Rescue", Hartford Courant, Aug. 5; Walt Platteborze, "Woman 'critical' after being pulled from submerged SUV", New Haven Register, Oct. 15, 2004).

    #5: Michelle Knepper of Vancouver, Wash. Knepper picked a doctor out of
    the phone book to do her liposuction, and went ahead with the
    procedure even though the doctor was only a dermatologist, not a
    plastic surgeon. After having complications, she complained she never
    would have chosen that doctor had she known he wasn't Board Certified
    in the procedure. (She relied on the phonebook listing over asking the
    doctor, or looking for a certificate on his wall?!) So she sued ...the
    phone company! She won $1.2 million PLUS $375,000 for her husband for "loss of spousal services and companionship."

    #4: Rhonda Nichols. She says a wild bird "attacked" her outside a home
    improvement store in Fairview Heights, Ill., causing head injuries.
    That's right: OUTSIDE the store. Yet Nichols still held the Lowe's
    store responsible for "allowing" wild birds to fly around free in the
    air. She never reported the incident to the store, but still sued for
    "at least" $100,000 in damages. In January 2006, the case was thrown
    out of court.

    #3: Barnard Lorence of Stuart, Fla. Lorence managed to overdraw his own
    bank account. When the bank charged him a service fee for the
    overdraft, he filed suit over his "stress and pain" and loss of sleep
    over the fee. A few hundred thousand bucks, he says, will only amount
    to a "slap on the wrist", whereas the $2 million he's suing for is
    more like being "paddled". Kinky!

    #2: Wanita "Renea" Young of Durango, Colo. Two neighborhood teens baked cookies for their neighbors as an anonymous gesture of good will, but Young got scared when she heard them on her front porch. They
    apologized, in writing, but Young sued them anyway for causing her
    distress, demanding $3,000. When she won(!!) $900, she crowed about it
    in the newspaper and on national TV. Now, she's shocked (shocked!)
    that everyone in town hates her for her spite, and is afraid she may
    have to move. But hey: she won.

    AND THE WINNER of the 2005 Stella Award: Christopher Roller of
    Burnsville, Minn. Roller is mystified by professional magicians, so he
    sued David Blaine and David Copperfield to demand they reveal their
    secrets to him -- or else pay him 10 percent of their lifelong
    earnings, which he figures amounts to $50 million for Copperfield and
    $2 million for Blaine. The basis for his suit: Roller claims that the
    magicians defy the laws of physics, and thus must be using "godly
    powers" -- and since ROLLER is god (according to him), they're
    "somehow" stealing that power from him.

    That one is a ripper...
    the defence documents filed in this case are amusing reading too...

    :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:

  2. Wow, what is the world coming to???
  3. stress less,
    i seriously doubt a journalist from melbourne would be able to pull up more than 2 stories equal to those,
    only in america :p
  4. Don't be so sure of that, I know of a woman (a retire of a law firm), started suing everyone in the apartment block were she lived for really small and insignificant things, but wanting large payouts. A ripple in the apartment hall carpet, putting grocerey bags down outside the door while unlocking said door, etc

    It got to the point were she was suing for not being included in any dinner parties/get togethers other apartment owners/tennets were having. Naturally enough people wanted to sellup and move on, she sued over that as well.
  5. Unfortunatly, our once great country is now the second 'most sueing' country in the world. Thats something to be proud of !!! :(
  6. Haha, the word you want is "litigious" rather than "most sueing" :wink:

    But yeah, it's pissing woeful that the law has come to this. I suspect it shan't be long before we see a lot of vigilanties taking matters into their own hands, rather than rely on the law to cast a fair verdict.