The Three Tortoises Three tortoises, Russell, Steve and Dave, decide to go on a picnic. So Dave packs the picnic basket with beer and sandwiches. The trouble is the picnic site is ten miles away so it takes them ten days to get there. When they get there Dave unpacks the food and beer. "OK Russ give me the bottle opener." "I didn't bring it," says Russ. "I thought you packed it." Dave gets worried, He turns to Steve, "Did you bring the bottle opener?" Naturally Steve didn't bring it. So they're stuck ten miles from home without a bottle opener. Dave and Steve beg Russ to go back for it. But he refuses as he says they will eat all the sandwiches. After two hours, and after they have sworn on their tortoise lives that they will not eat the sandwiches, he finally agrees. So Russ sets off down the road at a steady pace. Twenty days pass and he still isn't back and Dave and Steve are starving, but a promise is a promise. Another five days and he still isn't back, but a promise is a promise. Finally they can't take it any longer so they take out a sandwich each, and just as they are about to eat it, Russell pops up from behind a rock and shouts........ "I KNEW IT!!. ..... ...You ****s..................I'M NOT F**KING GOING!"