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the one that got away (for the blokes)

Discussion in 'The Pub' started by buznbye, Apr 11, 2009.

  1. well its now easter time

    well this time last year i had a misses, a 2 week old son n i threw it all down the shitter. regrets and more regrets
    any1 else here done something as stupid as i have to somebody i dearly care about ?

  2. You drunk?
  3. nope not at all :p

    just wondering if any1 else has had a similar thing happen :p
  4. no point dwelling on the past mate. you might not have made the best choice at the time, but you cant change the past. learn from it, and change your future :)
  5. cheers for the good advice

    wish it was that easy but its somewhat complicated
  6. Approximately 1 in 2 marriages / relationships fail at some stage in Australian. It happens and both people are affected. Unfortunately so are the children.

    Public holidays / long weekends are traditionally a time when family are together - thats frequently why suicide rates (particularly amoung men) climb. (not saying you're suicidal or anything - just showing the depth of feeling that happens).

    Yep - you will have regrets. Yep you may miss them. Now this will sound completely trite but you cannot live in the past. Easy to say / hard to do - move on. Seek out friends - real friends who care for you and love you. Seek out family support. Immerse yourself in other people.

    It won't stop the regret but it may ease the hurt and will certainly improve your life.
  7. are you dr phil ? :p

    we are still tryin to sort everything out, so its just hard at this time of the year
    specially after last nites party, and after party at my place
  8. Mate, that sucks. Hang in there. Time heals many wounds. Hopefully one day there will be a chance of reconciliation once the both of you have had some time to put behind you what drove you apart.

    We all make mistakes, no one's perfect. Some of us learn from our mistakes, find closure, and move on. It takes a lot of inner strength to do this. Be strong.

    If you're feeling down, get on the bike and ride, clear your head and get the good energy flowing. You'll feel better. :)
  9. You'll get all the sympathy we can give you here, and any help we can too. But getting on top of the feeling of failure is going to be a lonely and demanding task that you will have to do by yourself. The best that can come of this is for you to understand yourself better and become a better person thorugh that understanding.

    But, yeah, get on the bike and do the 24HourRide (ride non-stop for 24 hours in no particular direction and see where you end up, stay the night and take a couple of days to come home...)
  10. So you guys are trying to work things out yeah? You both need to sit down and be very open with each other about your expectations and what your willing and not willing to compromise on. If you dont agree on core beliefs it will be a struggle. Keep this is mind too, if you want complete honesty then never ever throw what is said back at the person.

    I know you must miss your little one and of course your girl, wish you guys all the best.

    PS.... Lay off the booze because clarity is what you need. After a couple drinks its very easy to see the world through rose coloured glasses.

    As for doing something stupid... yeah been there, bought the t shirt. I certainly dont regret anything now but it did take some time to get to that point.

    Like the boys have said, go for a ride and clear your head, you will feel much better for it.

    Good luck man,

  11. Nah mate, never made a bad choice in my life. [-o<

    As if . . . 8-[
  12. isnt it the choices we make ourselves can hurt the most?
    chin up.. we learn from our mistakes..

    if it makes any diff big cyber hug to you
  13. as a child of divorced parents... i implore you to still be a dad to your son. kids NEED their dads. keep him in your life as much as you can!!!!!

    and that means being on good terms with your ex. (well doesn't have to be excellent terms but just not squabbling in front of your son)

    sorry to sound like i'm preaching or whatever but it would just be heartbreaking if your son grew up and had an absent father.

    good luck!!!
  14. Hey, hope your ok mate

    take care
  15. Man, stay strong, and hang in there! Get on ur bike and go for a hoon!! But munging out on chocolate mite be a safer option.

    Cannot change the past, BUT YOU can always change your future!!

    Peace out!!

  16. yeah i havent been given the chance of bein a dad
    we 'were' tryin to work things out but things turned for the worst last nite ;s
    shes gonna do a runner :|

    who said lay off the booze? lolz
    i aint drunk till tonight, went out with some good mates who decided i needed a good drink, or 10

    well anyway bedtime
    cheers for the replies n support :>
  17. Lay off the booze - I said that and stand by it too.

    Ask yourself this question, where is your comittment? What have you done in and with your life to accomodate your child? You say you were trying to work things out, are you aware of what the stumbling block is? Are you able to come to a compromise on this?

    Pushing your buttons? I bloody well hope so!

    There is nothing worse in life (in MY opinion) than a quitter, even more so when it comes to a child.

    OK so you may not be able to resolve things with your ex, but you sure as hell should pull out all the stops to be the BEST father you can be given the circumstances. Create that space in your home so you can have your little one with you. Put the effort in now, dont just blindly put it on the "too hard shelf".

    This is going to be the most cutting question - WHY havent you been given the chance to be a Dad?

    Dust yourself off and start looking into options. If you cant come to a mutual visitation agreement then explore your legal options.

    It all comes back to how much you want to be a part of your childs life.

    Zenyatta_Mondatta said it brilliantly and I can second her on that - your child needs YOU.

    *edit - sorry Zenyatta ;) Fixed it for you hun*
  18. Lucy This is going to be the most cutting question - WHY havent you been given the chance to be a Dad?

    That IS the question. You'd be amazed at the number of blokes I've counselled who've sat in my study and told me about weekend fishing trips with their mates, Friday nights down at the pub watching the footy, and stuff, and then looked at me wide-eyed and said, "I just can't understand why she's leaving me!!".

    Ladies don't leave things they're happy with; they stay with hairdressers, shops, authors, clothing brands, etc, forever, and the nagging you are complaining about was her trying to tell you that she needed you to be partner AND father, and all you were hearing was her trying to spoil your fun.

    So the ball's in your court. Whatever IS happening, you have a chance to TRY and change it. Stop getting sloshed in the hope that it will be better in the morning; obviously it isn't. Stop complaining on internet forums; we can sympathise, and maybe even give advice, but only YOU can change the situation.

    And PLEASE, don't reply and say, "Oh, but you don't understand...." I DO that's why I just said what I said...
  19. well i feel for ya.. im a walking disaster when it comes to relationships and those that have passed. i got through easter by waxing two cars and the bike.
    dealt with it a few times and no-matter what is said more often than not it is not you or anyone else that is the cause.
    it just is sometimes.
  20. OldBellHelmet you are NOT a walking disaster, no one ever is. Some relationships are just not meant to be, sad but true.

    If a friend were to ask me how to change this pattern I would tell them that they need to know and understand what their expectations are. You need to know what you want yourself before being involved with someone because if you dont know how the hell are they supposed to know? Relationships are not meant to be guessing games.

    You are right in sometimes you just need to do what you can to get through the rough times - but that shouldnt go on indefinitely.

    If something isnt going the way you want ask yourself why and then take steps to change it - Its your life so the onus is on you to make it what you want.