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The Office Christmas Party

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by jd, Dec 4, 2006.

  1. FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    TO: All Employees
    DATE: December 01, 2006
    RE: Holiday Party

    I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place

    December 22, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill
    House. There will be an open bar & plenty of food. We'll have a small
    playing traditional carols ... feel free to sing along. And don't be
    surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree

    be lit at 1:00pm. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that
    time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts
    easy for everyone's pocket. This gathering is only for employees! Our
    will make a special announcement at that time! Merry Christmas to you &
    your family.


    FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    TO: All Employees
    DATE: December 02, 2006
    RE: Holiday Party

    In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.

    recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides
    w/Christmas, tho unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're
    calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other
    employees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree. No
    Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your
    Happy now?
    Happy Holidays to you & your family.


    FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    TO: All Employees
    DATE: December 03, 2006
    RE: Holiday Party

    Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
    requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm
    to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads,
    Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle
    Somebody? Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange is allowed
    the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money & executives
    $10.00 is a little chintzy.


    FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    To: All Employees
    DATE: December 04, 2006
    RE: Holiday Party

    What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the
    Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating & drinking during
    daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a
    luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees'
    beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until
    the end of the party - or else package everything for you to take it
    in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for
    members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet &
    pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are
    allowed to sit w/each other. Lesbians do not have to sit w/Gay men, each
    will have their own table. Yes, there will be a flower arrangement for
    Gay men's table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, no
    cross-dressing allowed tho we will have booster seats for short people.
    Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control
    salt used in the food we suggest for those people w/high blood pressure
    taste 1st. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the
    restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry! Did I miss


    FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    TO: All F***king Employees
    DATE: December 05, 2006
    RE: The F***ing Holiday Party

    Vegetarian pricks I've had it w/you people!!! We're going to keep this
    party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit
    at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put
    & you'll get your freaking salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But
    know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've
    heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!
    I hope you all have a rotten holiday!
    Drive drunk & die!


    FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
    DATE: December 06, 2006
    RE: Patty Lewis & Holiday Party

    I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery
    I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management
    decided to cancel our Holiday Party & the afternoon of the 22nd will be
    normal work day.

    Happy Holidays
  2. :eek: PC madness...
  4. [​IMG]

    Seen this before