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The night before Christmas

Discussion in 'General Motorcycling Discussion' at netrider.net.au started by GreyBM, Dec 24, 2009.

  1. Thought I would post a pome I found to add a bit a kultcha to the forum and give it a bit a class.

    The Night Before Christmas
    By Kathy Gehrhardt

    T'was the night before Christmas at the motorcycle store.
    The sales clerks were gone; they'd locked up the door.
    Back in service, the tools were hung with great care,
    The floors had been swept, the workbenches bare.

    Sales had been brisk, filling staff with elation
    As they headed down south for their winter vacation.
    The new shiny sportbikes had all been sold out,
    And all that was left was an Indian Scout,
    A Norton Commando, a Rudge Multi too,
    And a black BMW R32,
    A Vincent, a Matchless, and Velocette,
    And a drippy old Brough that wouldn't start on a bet.

    "This stinks," said the Norton. "We're just as fine
    As those Japanese bikes the kids buy all the time."
    "You're right," said the Vincent as he grew agitated.
    "All I need is to get my back tire inflated,
    Then I could compete with the best of `em yet."
    "Me, too! I'm still fast," cried the old Velocette.
    "If someone was handy, somebody smart,
    They'd know how to fix us and get us to start."

    And so while they grumbled and whined and complained,
    They didn't notice a visitor came.
    He was dressed all in leather, black head to toe,
    And his helmet had reflective stickers that brightly glowed.
    His beard was snow-white. It reached to his chest.
    How he got in the door was anyone's guess.
    He looked them all over. "Merry Christmas!" he said.
    "Are you fellows available to pull my big sled?"

    "Who, us?" laughed the Matchless. "We're rusty and old.
    Nobody wants us, that's why we're not sold.
    Kids want electric, not our old kickstarts.
    These young punks think we're just bikes for old farts."
    "My Lucas headlight hasn't worked well in years,"
    Said the Rudge. "And my gearbox is missing some gears.
    I'd be much obliged if you'd look at my choke.
    And the earthing brush in my magneto is broke."
    "My mix is too rich, I think," said the Beemer.
    "Does anyone know how to set the carb leaner?"

    Then Santa said, "Hey, stop the whining, you guys.
    You're legends and history in many men's eyes.
    So what if you're rusty and don't look brand new?
    Hypermotards and `Busas wouldn't be here without you."

    Then the vintage bikes lights started glowing with pride.
    And the Norton Commando said, "Let's take a ride!"
    "I'm ready, let's go, come on!" said the Brough.
    "Let's get it in gear and show `em our stuff."
    They took to the road, their pipes roared like thunder.
    And Santa sat back in his sled, filled with wonder.
    And he said as he watched them race into the night,
    "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a safe ride."
  2. The real story is that the old Brit bangers had such terrible electrics that when the time came, half of them wouldn't start, and when some did, the lights were so dim that Santa crashed into a mine pithead in Yorkshire and was never seen again :LOL:.
  3. Yep. They reckon Brits drink warm beer because Lucas was involved in the fridge design.
  4. And it is a little-known fact that the reason British bikes leaked oil like a North Sea oil rig wasn't because they were badly designed or because they were poorly assembled. It was because the machines, surface planers and presses with which the engine cases and cylinder heads were cut, shaped and pressed were already veterans of pre-War manufacture and use before even the 1950's had begun.

    As they continued to be used for manufacture, they wore out even more and transferred that degree of wear to the components that they made. Consequently, matching parts never matched, faces that were meant to be oil-tight when put together were not and moving parts that were supposed to have minimal movement when they did, had huge amounts of free play in them.

    In fact, post-WWII British bikes never had a chance.
  5. That is awsome :D
    Interesting to know why the old brits were like they were.
  6. Wish you all a Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year 2010

  7. While true, it also didn't help that most of the crankcases were split vertically rather than horizontally as in most of the new Japanese rivals which came along.

    It's harder to keep oil in a container when it has a crack down the middle.
  8. Indeed; vertically split crankcases, shudder.
  9. So Santa magically fixes the bikes, and to show their gratitude they just f*** off up the road and don't pull his sled like he asked?