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The luck (logic) of the Irish

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by hornet, Nov 9, 2005.

  1. An Irishman named O'Malley went to his doctor after a long illness.

    The doctor after a lengthy examination, sighed and looked O'Malley in the eye and said, "I've some bad news for you. You have cancer, and it can't be cured. You'd best put your affairs in order."

    O'Malley was shocked and saddened. But, being a solid character, he managed to compose himself and walk from the doctor's office into the waiting room, where his son had been waiting.

    "Well, son, we Irish celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don't go well. In this case, things aren't so well. I have cancer. Let's head to the pub and have a few pints."

    After 3 or 4 pints, or more, the two were feeling a little less sombre. There were some laughs and some more beers. They were eventually approached by some of O'Malley's old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating.

    O'Malley told them that the Irish celebrate the good as well as the bad. He went on to tell his friends that they were drinking to his impending end. He told his friends, "I have been diagnosed with AIDS."

    The friends gave O'Malley their condolences, and they had a couple of more beers.

    After the friends left, O'Malley's son leaned over and whispered his confusion. "Dad, I thought you told me that you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends that you were dying of AIDS!"

    O'Malley said, "I don't want any of them sleeping with your Mother after I am gone."
  2. So Tom and Steve were in a bar one night and Tom offered to tell Steve the latest Irish joke he'd heard.

    Steve pointed to the 3 large ladies in the corner of the pub and said "See those ladies? They're professional female Irish wrestlers!"

    Steve then pointed to the barman, a 7ft brute of a man and said " See the bartender, he's an ex-forward from the Irish national rugby team!"

    He then pointed the the two big blokes by the door and said "And those two blokes? They're ranked 1 and 2 in the Irish pro-boxing league! So do you still want to tell that Irish joke?"

    Tom replied "Nah, bugger it. Not if I have to explain it 6 times..."