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The International Council of Manlaws

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by MadStu, Feb 22, 2008.

  1. The International Council of Manlaws

    1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

    2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following
    (a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
    (b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
    (c) After wrecking your boss's car.
    (d) When she is using her teeth.

    3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be
    legally killed and eaten by his mates.

    4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a

    friend out of jail within 12 hours.

    5: If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister

    is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

    6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is

    forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is

    7: No bloke shall ever be required to buy a birthday present
    for another bloke. In fact, even remembering your mate's
    birthday is strictly optional.
    At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the
    birthday boy's choice.

    8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops,
    not the weakest.

    9: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event,
    you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may
    never ask who's playing.

    10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have

    brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers
    for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially
    your girlfriend.

    11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when
    you're sunning on a tropical beach ..... and it's delivered by a
    topless model and only when it's free.

    12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you
    allowed to kick another bloke in the nuts.

    13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

    14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

    15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see

    16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated
    as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the

    ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

    17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman
    must remain sober enough to fight.

    18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice
    of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

    19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be
    talking about his choice of beer.

    20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend

    of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your

    21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while
    lifting weights:

    (a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
    (b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
    (c) Another set and we can hit the showers!

    22: Never talk to a man in a toilet unless you are on equal
    footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For
    all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the
    conversation you need.

    23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on
    longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch
    by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

    24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a
    friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're

    feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each
    other again before the discussion occurs about what a big
    mistake it was.

    25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not
    acceptable for her to drive yours.

    26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink,lime
    green, orange or sky blue.

    27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for
    Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!"
    gets an Xbox. End of story.

    28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's
    Gymnastics. Ever.

    29: We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do

    you really know the difference between them? In an effort to
    keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:

    "GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with his mates,
    being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts
    to say, "are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"

    "BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with his mates
    smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar,slapping
    your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next fatty!"

    I hope this clears up any confusion.
  2. :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:

    What more do you need to know?

    We should distribute copies of this to everyone.
  3. You like?
  4. Haha, "Hello XXXX speaking".........beep beep beep
  5. Law 5 has been copied incorrectly, it should read:
  6. :WStupid: