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The Hitman.....

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by removed-6, May 18, 2007.

  1. Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golf course when a guy carrying a golf bag called out to them, "Do you mind if I join you? My partner didn't turn up."

    "Sure," they said, "You're welcome to play along."

    So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the company of the newcomer. Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the newcommer, "What do you do for a living?"

    "I'm a hit man," was the reply.

    "You're joking!" was the response.

    "No, I'm not," he said, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a beautiful sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight. "Here are my tools."

    "That's a beautiful telescopic sight," said the other friend, "Can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here."

    So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his house. "Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic.

    "I can see right in the window. Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom. Ha ha, I can see she's naked!! Wait a minute,, that's my neighbour in there with her..........He's naked, too!!! The*********!"

    He turned to the hitman, "How much do you charge for a hit?"

    "I'll do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger."

    "Can you do two for me or not?"

    "Sure, what do you want?"

    "First, shoot my wife, she's always been mouthy, so shoot her in the mouth. Then the neighbour, he's a friend of mine, so just shoot his dick off to teach him a lesson."

    The hitman took the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for a few minutes.

    "Are you going to do it or not?" said the friend inpatiently.

    "Just be patient," said the hitman calmly, "I think I can save you a grand here."
  2. A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs in his crotch. Worried that it might be a second surgery the doctors hadn't told him about, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable. Taped firmly across his pubic hair were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily. Written in large black letters was the sentence.

    "Get well quick..... from the nurse you gave a ticket to last week."
  3. :LOL: @ the first one!