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The English Language!

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by Caz V1, Apr 2, 2006.

  1. Let's face it: English is a crazy language.

    There is no egg in eggplant or ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England nor french fries in France.
    Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
    We take English for granted.
    But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
    And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham?
    If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
    One goose, 2 geese.
    So, one moose, 2 meese?
    One index, two indices?
    Is cheese the plural of choose?
    If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
    If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

    In what language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital?
    Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
    Have noses that run and feet that smell?
    Park on driveways and drive on parkways?
    How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
    How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?
    When a house burns up, it burns down.
    You fill in a form by filling it out and an alarm clock goes off by going on.
    When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

    And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it?
    Now I know why I flunked English. It's not my fault-the silly language doesn't quite know whether it's coming or going.
  2. Very good caz. English sure is a weird language. But then again, how weird is French, when the word for teacher is in the masculine gender, even if the teacher is of the female gender?
  3. lol hornet..the only french I know is....
    and croissant. :p
  4. hehe thats funny
    though in the end it got a bit hard to understand
    and i had to read it slowly
    maybe thats just the asian in me and plus im tired
    :LOL: :LOL:
  5. It's true. English is meant to be one of the hardest languages to learn because it's structure is so different to other languages.
    Ohh well, good work dude.
  6. Ha Ha Ha! I have studied many languages before and English never seemed so retarded. Permission to re-use?

    kde> Chinese has to be harder to learn than English? I've been speaking Chinese all my life yet I would struggle to put together a written sentence.
    At least with English you learn 26 letters and you can start writing and be understood, even with a few speling mistakes.
  7. One of the reasons English is so complicated, is the repeated invasion of the country by foreigners...lol... English draws from Latin, French, German, Norwegian, Celtic/Gaelic and ancient Briton (ever tried to read Chaucer?) among others.