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The Church of the One True Road

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' at netrider.net.au started by v_quixotic, Jun 21, 2005.

  1. The Church of the One True Road

    Dost thou yearn to belong to a group that understands and validates thy need for speed?

    Hast thou undergone countless trials and tribulations in thy quest for enlightenment?

    Hast thou endured a court appearance for riding with excess speed?

    Hast thy body born witness, through abrasion and fractures of the bones, to thy holy conviction to go fast?

    Dost thou believe that speed is a holy calling?

    Dost thou assert those that seek to prevent thee, and punish thee, and persecute thee in thy quest are in league with The Devil and The Forces of Evil?

    Rejoice for thy salvation is at hand. The Church of the One True Road is here!

    1. Thou shalt not adulterate thy riding by choosing a scooter or cruiser or full-dresser or any other form of two-wheel abomination lest it be highly modified.
    2. Thou shalt maximise thy ride’s power output and handling.
    3. Thou shalt not lecture thy brothers and sisters on safety and the need to ride responsibly as these are paths to the Dark Side.
    4. Thou shalt not back off when ‘it’s on!’
    5. Thou shalt not purchase sports – touring tyres.
    6. Thou shalt not stay home because...
    7. Thou shalt not covet decent pillion accommodation, fuel efficiency or a shaft drive.
    8. Thou shalt not condemn a brother or sister who shoves it up the inside.
    9. Thou shalt honour thy rev limiter by using it.
    10. Thou shalt not bear false witness by concocting a poxy excuse when accosted by the Forces of Evil.

    If thou can follow these ten commandments and testify in writing to thy worthiness then thee too canst be an acolyte of the Church of the One True Road and Receive thy holy name and membership number.


    St Simon the Scurrilous COTR#1

  2. V you have far too much time on your hands, and an evil sense of humour. Long may we enjoy it.
  3. Beaut... When is the track day??
  4. Dost thou covet conversion my child?
  5. What need hast thou of a track, my son?
  6. First of all, since I am 56 years old, a little less of the "my son" stuff, St Simon!
    I'm afraid I can't meet the membership requirement of having been to court for two-wheeled misdemeanours; although I've pushed the envelope many times, I've always been fortunate enough for it to be away from the prying eyes of the boys in blue.
    But I do whole-heartedly agree with the creed and philosophy of the gathering, and wish a thousand blessings upon it (although, from a theological point of view, I think you might have a few problems in the hereafter!)
  7. Blessed are those who worship in private for they shall inherit the roads.
  8. I appreciate your indulgence, St Simon, and I shall observe your evangelistic efforts with great interest. I shall be especially interested in how many OFARCs are converted!
  9. i take it no harley riders are worshippers of the faith??
  10. harley.....hardly worthit
  11. who'd want one anyway??? heavy, gas guzzling, rough handling, bad steering..... list goes on oh yeah and they cost a kings ransom....
  12. And, if I may assist St Simon in his holy quest, since the premise of the brotherhood is to go fast, then surely some bikes and their riders (by definition) may not qualify?
  13. Do not abandon our Harley riding bretheren for they are but lost sheep.

    Pray for them my children, that they may see the light and in their quest to go fast and join the chosen ones buy Buells.

  14. St Simon, my dearest brother, this is St Skuff.

    Last nights feast of deliverance was magnificent. Our abbondonment of all else but for the covernant of this whole persuit of self and the One True Road is magficent.

    As you are aware, I abide and live by all the rules defined, and then others which will remain within the wholy brotherhood.

    St Skuff, COTR#2
  15. To all members, be aware, your dedication is required and proof of the deliverance of 10 will be required. Ye cannot be a squid and pretend to be that which is required.

    Thou shalt swear on thy blood oath of blood spilt and courage defined before you can enter this family..... The inner circle......
  16. You groveller, Skuff!!!!! (and self-appointed sainthood as well, is there no end to this man's self-agrandisement???)
    See you at Meimbula, mate!
  17. Hornet, brother... Twas St Simon and I who created the brotherhood.......

    :wink: :wink: :) :)

    See you in Merimbula for your conversion and pledge.... 8) :shock: :) :D :LOL:
  18. hmmmmm lesse
    1. cbr600f4i, gsxr400, xj400z, triumph trident 900 works special and soon to be zrx1200r, nope, no cruzers or scooters there

    2. all bikes have lots of work done to them (cans, filters, engine work)

    3. read my posts, lots of encourage to fracture road rules wherever possible

    4. my bikes dont have throttles, they have on off switches

    5. sticky soft road race compound all the way.

    6. the only time i stay at home is if one of them needs fixing

    7. pillion? what is a pillion, no seats or rear pegs on my bikes

    8. like anyone could

    9. hmm, bouncing off the limiter the sweetest sound to hear

    10. dont have to, i have an english licence :p

    can i join? can i? go on, you know you want me :roll:
  19. Welcome St Sluglie the scurge
    I bestow upon thee COTR # 3

    May the Road always twist beneath your wheels
  20. should realy be st simon as well (he is the patron saint of blacksmiths by the way) but i guess that is taken