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The bible acording to riders

Discussion in 'The Pub' at netrider.net.au started by Woodsy, Feb 8, 2007.

  1. Ok, hears the premis, take a psalm or a section of the bible, Qur'an, Tanakh, etc and re write it with a bike rider angle.

    And to state up front i'm an athiest so i have no fear of going to hell for doing this :) other than bad gramer and spelling LOL

    Psalm 23 (A psalm by Woodsy.) The Good Leader

    The leader is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. They makes me ride
    on twisty roads, they leads me beside fast corners, they restores my soul. They guides me on roads of righteousness (and lefteousness) before there TEC.
    Even though I ride through the valley of the shadow of cages, I will
    fear no Harleys, for you are with me; your helmet and your jacket, they
    comfort me. You prepare a ride before me in the presence of my mates.
    You annoint my head with oil (full synthetic 10w50); my fueltank overflows.
    Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will
    dwell in the house of the Netrider forever.
  2. AMEN! :grin:
  3. :applause: :applause: :applause:

    I'll have to think about this one and get back to it :oops:
  4. Our Harley, which art in Milwaukee,
    Hallowed be thy chrome.
    Thy Jappers come.
    Thy will be outrun,
    in the standing 1/4 as it is on the public road.
    Give us this weekend with no rain.
    And forgive us our chaps,
    As we forgive them that buy Japs & don’t nod us.
    And lead us not into speed cameras;
    But deliver us from VicPol:
    For thine is the Chrome, The Torque, and the Leather,
    For ever and ever. Amen
  5. :LOL: Very good DuHast.
  6. As I ride through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil,
    as Pnut has a trailer, and I'm wearing body armour.. :wink:
  7. The Tanakh
    Bereshit - Genesis
    Chapter 1

    1 IN THE beginning Dog created the bikes and the corners.

    2 Now the corners was unformed and void, and darkness was upon the aproach to the corners; and the spirit of Dog hovered over the aproach to the corners.

    3 And Dog said: 'Let there be light' And there was light.

    4 And Dog saw the corner, that it was good; and Dog divided the Aproach from the exit and called it 'The apex'.

    5 And Dog called the light Day, and the darkness He called Night And there was evening and there was morning, which he called 'bloody bugs on me visor' one day.

    6 And Dog said: 'Let there be straights in the midst of the corners, and let it divide the corners so to seperate the twisties'.

    7 And Dog made the straights, and divided the corners which were to be called twisties from the boring shit and it was so.

    8 And Dog called the twisties Heaven And the other bits straights which were fast, on the second day.

    9 And Dog said: 'Let the straights and the twisties be gathered together unto one place, and let them be called tracks' And it was so.

    10 And Dog called the tracks 'sweet', and the gathering together of the bikes called He 'a meet'; and Dog saw that it was good.

    11 And Dog said: 'Let the earth put forth grass for smoking and sitting on, herb yielding seed to brew grog from, and fruit-tree bearing fruit to make more grog after its kind, wherein is the time to get smashed, upon the earth' And it was so.

    12 And the earth brought forth grass, herb yielding seed after its kind, and tree bearing fruit, wherein is the seed thereof, after its kind; and Dog saw that it was good.

    13 And there was evening and there was morning and bugs on the visor, a third day.

    14 And Dog said: 'Let there be lights in the twisties of the heaven to divide the day riding from the night drinking; and let them be for speed signs, and for seasons greetings (more drinking), and for days and years so that new bikes can be released;

    15 and let them be for lights in the twisties of the heaven to give light upon the earth' And it was so.

    16 And Dog made the two great lights: the greater light to rule the day and swim, ride and get sunburnt, and the lesser light to rule the night to drink and fornicate and to party; and the stars.

    17 And Dog set them in the sky to give light upon the earth, cause the sky was full of nothing and it was better than storing them in the shed.

    18 and to rule over the day and over the night, and to divide the light riding from the darkness drinking (and fornicating etc); and Dogsaw that it was good.

    19 And there was evening and there was morning and bugs on the visor, a fourth day.

    to be continued
  8. Nice one DuHAST!
    MontyB I'm lovin that avatar!
    Where the bloody hell do you get em from?
  9. Now I leave my bike to sleep
    I pray the alarm & disc lock keep
    But if she’s gone before I wake
    Thieves beware, there’s limbs I’ll break
  10. Ahahah. This is great.
  11. Hey Boo!

    I have a better one for you that I came across the other day... however you'll need to ask nicely for it... :p
  12. ....in the beginning, god created MOTORCYCLES! :cool:
  13. I'm sorry to disappoint you folks, but there is only one motorcycle mentioned in the Bible

    Psalm 47:1 To the chief Musician, A Psalm for the sons of Korah. O clap your hands, all ye people; shout unto God with the voice of triumph.

    :LOL: :LOL:
  14. :applause:
  16. Forgive them father, for they know not what they ride...

  17. continued:-

    20 And Dog said: ‘Let the waters swarm with swarms of living creatures, and let fowl fly above the earth to be eaten by the holy bikers’.

    21 And Dog created the great monsters and called them Ducatis, and every living creature that rideeth, wherewith the roads they swarmed, after its kind, and every motorised device after its kind; and Dog saw that it was good.

    22 And Dog blessed them, saying: ‘Be fruitful, and multiply (fornication again, cool), and fill the pubs with mates, and let them drink and be merry on the earth’.

    23 And there was evening and there was morning (and more bloody bugs, a fifth day.

    24 And Dog said: ‘Let the earth bring forth the living creature after its kind, cattle for Bar Be queuing, and creeping thing called politicians (well that’s 1 mistake), and riders of the earth after its kind’ And it was so.

    25 And Dog made the sport bike of the earth after its kind, and the cruisers after their kind, and every thing that rideeth upon the ground after its kind; and Dog saw that it was good.

    26 And Dog said: ‘Let us make man in our image, after our likeness; and let them ride in the twisties and the straits over the tracks and the roads, and over the hills and the valleys, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth (see Dog says we can run over politicians, so there)’.

    27 And Dog created man in His own image, in the image of Dog created He him; male and female (smart man that Dog making chicks J) created He them.

    28 And Dog blessed them; and Dog said unto them: ‘Be fruitful, and multiply (yeah baby), and ride on the earth, and enjoy it; and have dominion over the corners of the twisties, and over the straits for there speed, and overall have fun upon the earth’.

    29 And Dog said: ‘Behold, I have given you every herb yielding seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed—to you it shall be for food and drink and stuff for partying and giving you sustenance for riding.

    30 and to every rider of the earth, and to every bike, and to every thing that eat, drink, ride and be merry upon the earth, wherein there is a living soul, I have given each other’ And it was so.

    31 And Dog saw every thing that He had made, and, behold, it was very good and there was evening and there was morning, the sixth day.

    32 And then for the seventh day he said ‘bugger this I’ve done enough, I’m going riding’ and it was so.
  18. Blessed are the Screaming Eagle slip-on pipes.
    for they shall be known as the sound of God.
    But I say to you that hear, polish your chrome pipes, do good to those who hate the noise, bless those who curse you as you ride past and deafen them, but pray for those who cannot hear you.
    To those EPA who strike you on the cheek, offer the original pipes for testing, and from those who take away your RWC, do not withhold your vengeance.
    Give to everyone who begs a ride from you, and of those who ride metric, do not ask them again, for they cannot appreciate the sound of God.
    And as you wish that others would ride like you, do so to them.
  19. Ah George, you never disappoint :).
  20. No disrespect intended mate.