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Tech support for marriage

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by Jace, Jan 17, 2007.

  1. hope this hasn't been posted before....

    Dear Tech Support,
    Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance -- particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as AFL 5.0, NRL 3.0, and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

    Signed, Desperate

    Dear Desperate:
    First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Please enter the command: "http: I Thought You Loved Me.html" and try to download Tears 6.2 and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 Update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta. Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources). Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Food 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

    Good Luck, Tech Support


    Now, personally-I love Beer 6.1.
    I just wish I could delete Hangover 7.2 and replace it with Hot Chick 36.24.36.

    Ah, marriage.......What an awful institution.
  2. That's funny!

    But I hope you really don't mean this, coz it aint true...
  3. someone find the wife version of that tech support ;)
    i've seen it around somewhere. I remember the same comment about entertain vs OS.
  4. It's an oldie, but it IS a goodie.

    {I wonder how many of these cynical jokes are made up by happily- married people???}
  5. *dinosaurs/unicorns/dodos

  6. *cough* 33 years and counting.........
  7. You'd be out of prison by now... :LOL:
  8. They say Marriage is a fine institution.

    But who wants to live in an institution :LOL:
  9. :LOL: Forgot to mention the indemnity clause. All opinions expressed in that post were that of the original author and are not necessarily those endorsed by Jace© :p
  10. Here You Go

    18 months go, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from Drinking Mates 4.2, which I had used for years without any trouble. However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off. To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as Lads Night Out 3.1, Football 4.5, and Playboy 6.9. Successive versions of Girlfriend proved no better.

    I tried a shareware program, Slapper 2.1, but it had many bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks. Eventually, I tried to run Girlfriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to my hardware.

    I eventually upgraded to Fiance 1.0, only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with FreeSexPlus and Cleanhouse2005.

    Shortly after this upgrade, however,I found that Wife 1.0 could be very unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them. Wife 1.0 also has an automatic diary, explorer and e-mail filter, and can, without warning, launch TurboStrop and Multi-Whinge. These latter products have no Help files, and I have to try to guess what the problem is.

    Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring ShoeShop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express which needs to be reinstalled every other week. Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Saab 93 Convertible hard drive, it often crashes. Wife 1.0 also comes with an irritating pop-up called MotherInLaw, which can't be turned off. Recently I've been tempted to install Mistress 2005, but there could be problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects Mistress 2005, it tends to delete all of your Money before uninstalling itself.
  11. THAT'S the one I was expecting in the original post; top stuff, thanks for the chuckles :).
  12. But how do you patch them?

    Been my experience that when things go wrong the O/S cannot be patched and tends to corrupt all files, such as bank account and House title.

    The only solution is to format and find a new O/S....
  13. Re: But how do you patch them?

    wife 2.0 has been likened to a tropical hurricane,

    All wet and wild at first but ends up taking everything you've saved when it goes
  14. Re: Here You Go