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Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by es, Aug 10, 2006.

  1. A man is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years. One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself, "It's not a ship." The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, "It's not a boat." The speck gets even closer and he thinks, "It's not a raft."

    Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She comes up to the guy and she says, "How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"

    "Ten years!" he says.

    She reaches over, unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, "Man, oh man! Is that good!"

    Then she asks, "How long has it been since you've had a drink of whiskey?"

    He replies, "Ten years!"

    She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on the right, pulls out a flask and gives it to him. He takes a long swig and says, "Wow, that's fantastic!"

    Then she starts unzipping this long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit and she says to him, "And how long has it been since you've had some REAL fun?"

    And the man replies, "My God! Don't tell me you've got a motorcycle in there!"
  2. ROFL!

    love it!!
  3. hehe i like it
    :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:
  4. :LOL: :LOL:
    Yeah thats good, i thought she was gonna have a dick or something but that ending is better :LOL:
  5. Yeah, I could just imagine the cruel b1tch giving him an R1 on a DESERT island.
  6. An incredible woman ...

    A retired corporate executive, now a widower, decided to take a vacation. He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank. He found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

    After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore. In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"

    She replies, "I rowed from the other side of the island. I landed here when my cruise ship sank."

    "Amazing," he notes. "You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you."

    "Oh, this thing?" explains the woman. "I made the boat out of raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm branches, and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree."

    "But, where did you get the tools?"

    "Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman. "On the south side of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into ductile iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware."

    The guy is stunned.

    "Let's row over to my place," she says.

    After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf. As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat. Before him is a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, "It's not much, but I call it home. Sit down, please. Would you like a drink?"

    "No! No thank you," he blurts out, still dazed. "I can't take another drop of coconut juice."

    "It's not coconut juice," winks the woman. "I have a still. How would you like a Pina Colada?"

    Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk.

    After they have exchanged their stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the bathroom cabinet."

    No longer questioning anything, the man goes into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet, is a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.

    "This woman is amazing," he muses. "What next?"

    When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines, strategically positioned, and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckons for him to sit down next to her.

    "Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've been out here for many months. You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for?"

    She stares into his eyes.

    He can't believe what he's hearing. "You mean……" he swallows excitedly and tears start to form in his eyes……………

    "Don't tell me you've built a motorbike?"
  7. haha no bad

    would be good if you change the last line to "....built a motorbike..."!
  8. Heheheh. What was the last line originally?
  9. Hehehe, similar to another one I've read awhile ago (posted on here?) but that one had a lady in a wetsuit pulling things out from her wetsuit... :)
  10. the one I saw a few years ago had the punch line "omg dont tell me you have a computer with internet connection too???"
  11. Original Item was a Golf Course. Of course you could change this to whatever you wanted - motorbike, V8 Supercar, X-Box, TV etc etc etc..........