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Stella Lawsuit Awards

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by gsxr1000, Jan 20, 2005.

  1. It's once again time to review the winners of the annual Stella Awards. (Could only happen in the USA)

    Stellas' are named after 81 year old Stella Liebeck who spilled coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonald's. That case inspired the Stella Awards for the most frivolous successful lawsuits in the United States.

    Unfortunately the most recent lawsuit implicating McDonald's, the teens who allege that eating at McDonald's has made them fat, was filed after the 2003 award voting was closed. This suit will top the 2004 awards list without question.

    Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $780,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving toddler was Ms.Robertson's Son.

    19 year old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently did not notice there was someone at the wheel of the car whenhe was trying to steal the hubcaps.

    Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic door Opener was malfunctioning. He could not re-enter the house because the door Connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation and Mr.Dickson found himself locked in the garage for 8 days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The Jury agreed to the tune of $500,000.

    Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas was awarded $14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbour's Beagle dog. The Beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been a little provoked at the time as Mr. Williams, who had climbed over
    the fence into the yard, was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.
    A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her coccyx (tailbone). The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier, during an argument.

    Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware sued the owner of a Night Club in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out two of her front teeth. This occurred whilst Ms. Walton was trying to sneak in the window of the Ladies Room to avoid Paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.

    This year's runaway winner was Mr. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Mr. Grazinski purchased a brand new Winnebago Motorhome. On his trip home from an OU football game, having driven onto the Freeway, he set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go into the back and make himself a cup of coffee. Not
    surprisingly the RV left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Mr. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him in the owner's manual that he could not actually do this. The jury awarded him $1,750,000 plus a new Winnebago Motorhome. The company actually changed their manuals on the basis of this suit just in case there were any other complete morons buying their recreational vehicles.
  2. well i'll be farked :shock:

    what can ya say besides..... YANKS
  3. World news Circa 2020:

    All new lawsuits are now going to go through a 'stupid-person' filter panel and only those that are deemed not stupid will then be submitted to the courtroom for processing.

    If anyone submits a lawsuit that fails the filter process they will receive a public paddling.

    Lawyers are now eligible to apply for subsidized GovCentral re-training.

    Thank you for your attention.
  4. :shock: wonder how many go on to win Darwin awards :LOL:
  5. :( well that may be, but considering they're yanks, it's nice to believe its true :wink:
  6. but the point is that they are all american and therefore all very believable, true or not
  7. Believable because it fits your mental image, which you derive from things like this.
  8. Do these "Americans" prove Darwin's "Missing Link " theory??
  9. no mate, i traveled over a lot of america and it is believable because that is what americans are like (small minded, bigoted and racist for the most part) admitedly most of my traveling was down the west coast so it is not a total view.
  10. So what part of the story in question illustrates small mindedness, bigotry or racism?
  11. oh sorry i forgot to mention idiotic as well. (they did vote george in for a second term after all :shock: )
  12. This story, perhaps unlike the others, is actually true. The woman in question suffered third degree burns and required skin grafts. Her medical expenses were something like $10,000US. McDonalds offered $800US in an out of court settlement. The famous damages payout was not actually paid, and was subsequently reduced on appeal. I'll have to look it up but I am not sure that the reduced amount was paid either.
  13. bugger me,,,I got a laugh reading the stories anyway...just can't trust anything you read.......
  14. The VERIFIED 2005 Stella Awards...

    There are actually genuine Stella Awards published by a journalist in Colorado who is involved with law reform - someone sent me the 2005 awards.

    I figured I'd research these and there does appear to be some independent verification from various sources - the #2 and #1 stories are definitely true :LOL: :LOL:

    These are the 2005 Runners-Up and Winner:
    (links or references that may or may not verify them are after each story)

    #7: Bob Dougherty. A prankster smeared glue on the toilet seat at the
    Home Depot store in Louisville, Colo., causing Dougherty to stick to
    it when he sat down. "This is not Home Depot's fault," he proclaimed,
    yet the store graciously offered him $2,000 anyway. Dougherty
    complained that offer is "insulting" and filed suit demanding $3

    #6: Barbara Connors of Medfield, Mass. Connors was riding in a car driven by her 70-year-old(!) son-in-law when they crashed into the
    Connecticut River, and Connors sank with the car. Rescue divers
    arrived within minutes and got her out alive, but Connors suffered
    brain damage from her near-drowning. Sue the driver? Sure, we guess
    that's reasonable. But she also sued the brave rescue workers who
    risked their lives to save hers.
    (Claudia Van Nes, "Town Sued Over River Rescue", Hartford Courant, Aug. 5; Walt Platteborze, "Woman 'critical' after being pulled from submerged SUV", New Haven Register, Oct. 15, 2004).

    #5: Michelle Knepper of Vancouver, Wash. Knepper picked a doctor out of
    the phone book to do her liposuction, and went ahead with the
    procedure even though the doctor was only a dermatologist, not a
    plastic surgeon. After having complications, she complained she never
    would have chosen that doctor had she known he wasn't Board Certified
    in the procedure. (She relied on the phonebook listing over asking the
    doctor, or looking for a certificate on his wall?!) So she sued ...the
    phone company! She won $1.2 million PLUS $375,000 for her husband for "loss of spousal services and companionship."

    #4: Rhonda Nichols. She says a wild bird "attacked" her outside a home
    improvement store in Fairview Heights, Ill., causing head injuries.
    That's right: OUTSIDE the store. Yet Nichols still held the Lowe's
    store responsible for "allowing" wild birds to fly around free in the
    air. She never reported the incident to the store, but still sued for
    "at least" $100,000 in damages. In January 2006, the case was thrown
    out of court.

    #3: Barnard Lorence of Stuart, Fla. Lorence managed to overdraw his own
    bank account. When the bank charged him a service fee for the
    overdraft, he filed suit over his "stress and pain" and loss of sleep
    over the fee. A few hundred thousand bucks, he says, will only amount
    to a "slap on the wrist", whereas the $2 million he's suing for is
    more like being "paddled". Kinky!

    #2: Wanita "Renea" Young of Durango, Colo. Two neighborhood teens baked cookies for their neighbors as an anonymous gesture of good will, but Young got scared when she heard them on her front porch. They
    apologized, in writing, but Young sued them anyway for causing her
    distress, demanding $3,000. When she won(!!) $900, she crowed about it
    in the newspaper and on national TV. Now, she's shocked (shocked!)
    that everyone in town hates her for her spite, and is afraid she may
    have to move. But hey: she won.

    AND THE WINNER of the 2005 Stella Award: Christopher Roller of
    Burnsville, Minn. Roller is mystified by professional magicians, so he
    sued David Blaine and David Copperfield to demand they reveal their
    secrets to him -- or else pay him 10 percent of their lifelong
    earnings, which he figures amounts to $50 million for Copperfield and
    $2 million for Blaine. The basis for his suit: Roller claims that the
    magicians defy the laws of physics, and thus must be using "godly
    powers" -- and since ROLLER is god (according to him), they're
    "somehow" stealing that power from him.

    That one is a ripper...
    the defence documents are amusing reading

    :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: