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Start ya basta*d!

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by Kermie, Dec 14, 2010.

  1. So I had a fairly ok day until f*cking now, I go out side to mow the f*cking grass as I know I wont get time to scratch my ass on the weekend. Try the f*ckin lawnmower and not even a spark, check all the normal stuff try again and still the c*nt gives me f*cking nothing.

    I spend 20 minutes trying to get the plug out with a shifter because the funny cu*ts at f*cking victa made it with some stupid shape that no c*nt has a chance to get the plug out, after another 20 mins I managed to get it out; only to find out its ok, so I clean it just in case.

    I try again just a f*cking homo blup blup blup, I then get a can of start you f*cking bastard spay from stupidcheap, sprayed that shit in it and f*cking nil not even a fire. I keep trying and the bithchc*ntstain of a handle snaps off my hand, so then grab I phillips handle screwdriver to use as a handle.

    Pull a few more times and the f*ckingwh*re thing snaps, the f*cking pull start rope and fires f*cking mother f*cking f*ck c*nt f*ck once f*cking sl*tc*ntf*ck once then f*cking f*ck stops.

    So, stabbed it 9 or 10 times in the fuel tank and a few times in the starter part until the phillips head got stuck in the winder c*nt of a part, now its good and f*cked




    Edit:I told the new mower it can be beers or it can be Screwdrivers where we go from here is up to it..


  2. say no to lawnmower cruelty

  3. posted Today, 23:43 u mow grass this late?

    but apart from that bbaaahahaahhahah made me laugh
  4. **** briggs n stratton, get a honda.
  5. one man went to mow............
  6. What has got me farked is that you gave up an excuse not to mow the lawn for a few weeks.
  7. Best thing to do with a Briggs motor. Next time, use a sledgehammer, it's much more satisfying.
  8. did it have petrol in it?
  9. Puncture the petrol tank, drain the fuel and use that to BBQ your lawn............hahah problem solved. No more overgrown grass and no more annoying mower.
  10. Briggs and Stratton - the lawnmower equivalent of an old 500cc English motor (but easier to start) .
  11. I actually think the above mower is a 2-stroke. So that is a victor. The new one might be a Briggs.
  12. #13 Joker, Dec 15, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 13, 2015
  13. You need to whipper snip that bit of grass next to the bbq. Let us know how you go :rofl:

    Thanks for the laugh!

  14. tony E,,what are you going on about???just because you dont know how to start a english motor bike why are you talking shit,,,,, thats right dicks like you only know how to push a starter button,,,,,i ride a 41 year old british bike and it starts in one or two kicks every time,,,,,
  15. Hahaha...good read.

    Lucky for me, my 2 stroke Victa starts first time most times and has never been serviced. Also it is about 20 years old...loud ****er though.
  16. I killed our whipper snipper a while back in a similar fashion, it was an old craftsman 2 stroke, had been patched up many times, it was 10 years old running without a filter, so it was well rooted.

    Anyways, it was always a c@nt to start, but I'd always manage to get it going but this particular day it kept dying every f*kin 30 seconds or so, kept letting the cord out was making it a right pr1ck.

    I cracked the shits with it when it let the cord go, which wrapped itself around everything & then stalled & refused to start & run for more than 2 seconds.

    Spat it big time, threw the f@cker across the yard & then smashed f&ck out of it with a shovel, managed to bust the cylinder off, fuel tank off & spray fuel everywhere. (probably not a smart thing to do in hindsight)

    The missus saw it all & came out with tears in her eyes from laughing, then cracked the shits about the 2-stroke fuel all over the pavers.

    Shoulda taken pics, the thing was well ****ed, I had to finish off the edging with shovel.
  17. blackster,
    I think you just signed yourself a lifetime stage pass to perform with ACDC (y)
  18. good to c he got a victa now he can cut the neighbours grass as well
  19. THIS!

    THIS!!!! ^^^^^

    this was funnier than the original post. had me in stiches of laughter and i think i wee'd a little :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: