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Square testicles

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by devochka, Apr 8, 2011.

  1. An elderly woman walked into the Royal Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money.

    After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president's office.

    The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit She placed her purse on his desk and replied, '$165,000'. The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money . The elderly woman replied that she made bets.

    The president was surprised and asked, 'What kind of bets?'

    The elderly woman replied, 'Well, I bet you
    $25,000 that your testicles are square.'

    The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that.

    The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, 'Would you like to take my bet?'

    'Certainly', replied the president. 'I bet you $25,000 that my testicles are not square.'

    'Done', the elderly woman answered. 'But given the amount of money involved, if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10 ' clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness.' 'No problem', said the president of the Bank confidently.

    That night, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over again and again until he was positive that no one could consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that
    there was no way he could lose the bet.

    The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly woman arrived at the president's office with her lawyer and acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that the president's testicles were square.

    The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants etc. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly.

    The president was happy to oblige.

    The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and asked the president if she could touch them. 'Of course', said the president. 'Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure.'

    The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied, 'Oh, it's probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o'clock in the morning I would be holding the balls of the President of the Royal Bank of Canada !'
  2. :rofl:hahaha love it=D>
  3. Moral of the story, Dont mess with old women,
  4. Similar joke, same result - a damn good chuckle.

    The ATO decides to audit Grandad, and summons him to their office.

    The auditor was not surprised when Grandad showed up with his lawyer.

    The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the ATO finds that believable.'

    I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandad. 'How about a demonstration?'

    The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead..'

    Grandad says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.'

    The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'

    Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.

    Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.'

    Now the auditor can tell Grandad isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

    Grandad removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

    The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandad's lawyer as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

    'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandad asks 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'

    The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

    Grandad stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.

    The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.

    But Grandad's own lawyer moans and puts his head in his hands.

    'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.

    'Not really,' says the lawyer. 'This morning, when Grandad told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!'

    Don't Mess with Old People!