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Spiderman 3

Discussion in 'The Pub' at netrider.net.au started by Ktulu, May 16, 2007.

  1. ...is an unsatisfactory movie.


    I wish I'd been drunk when I watched it... or at least had the hots for Kirsten Dunst. -But no, I was/am denied on both counts.

    I had beer, vodka, bourbon and wine available... but all I wanted was a small calibre hand-gun and just enough gumption to try using it to remove the headache that godawful movie gave me.



    Where shalt Ktulu begin, hmmm?

    I guess it has to begin with Spiderman 1, otherwise known as "Wow, Toby Maguire isn't as much of a p00f as I previously thought :shock:". Coz it was rad.
    The special effects were good, the storyline worked, and the only let-down was Willem Dafoe as some sort of bipolar monster out of Power Rangers pulling his prison-r@pe-face constantly.

    But ya know, I'm a forgiving kinda guy. Spiderman 1 = OK.

    I recently made the time to watch Spiderman 2 (otherwise known as "No wait... Toby Maguire is as much of a p00f as I had previously suspected.") with my beautiful girlfriend who thankfully paid for the movie hire [Don't you give me that look... I paid for dinner orright] - as, were I to invest my own money, the sheer brain-snap of such a foolish financial decision would surely pave the way for future errors.
    -trusting my superannuation to come from poker machines.
    -purchasing those Ansett shares off my neighbour.
    -buying a Honda.
    ... and other equally retarded examples of economic mismanagement.

    BECAUSE: it wasn't a particularly good movie to watch.
    Both GF and I were yelling at the TV, "FFS! Tell her you love her... or at least tell her you "really like her"... or at least that her "hair looks nice this afternoon" or SOMETHING that isn't "I'm sorry..." GRAAAAAH!

    Sure with Great Power Comes Great Responsibility - but even Bill Clinton had a 1st Lady...

    ... and a 2nd one.

    The special effects were the same-old, the villain was cheesy, and Toby Maguire didn't get stabbed in the face.
    All things that should have been fixed before it was released in cinemas.

    Now we mosey on over to Spiderman 3.
    Surely they have spent a couple of billion dollars at least towards outdoing number 2's mediocrity?!?!? Eh?! Eh?
    Well there was obviously a considerable budget involved... I mean, you have to pay off a whole bunch of people with loads of cash to make a movie based off a comic - and just because Stan Lee is a more of a sell-out cash-slut than the Beaconsfield Miners, doesn't mean he can't stand up in court, point to a sketch from 38 years ago, and have the US Supreme Court slit your throat with your credit cards and sodomise you with your own empty wallet.

    However: was such vast amounts of cash enough for a good movie?

    Oh dear me, no.

    I guess at least the villains were cool; but again: the character of 'Spiderman' is twisted into this desperate, useless, insecure basketcase who STILL decides half-way through the movie that being Spiderman isn't good enough and he's going to become some sort of black widow, emo, fringe-growing, depressive, superhero who probably foils crime only between crying into his diary, slashing at his arms with plastic cutlery, and masturbating while asphyxiating himself.



    Then he dances :(


    Oh God he dances :( :( :(



    Why do bad things happen to good people?
    WHY DON'T bad and fatal things happen to prevent me witnessing scenes like that???
    It was confounding, really. I can even now recall the amazing calm that came over me, as I paused the movie to empty my bladder and grab a Honeycomb Magnum Mini from the pack of 6 I purchased for only $4.99 from Coles. Of course, I was partly disappointed in the movie, but partly full of hope that a sudden and mysterious case of lactose intolerance would occur and the ice-cream would get me sent straight to hospital where painkillers of a suitably hallucinogenic nature would help me forget my entire ordeal.

    Alas, there was only good health... perfect hearing... adequate vision... and a pleasing honeycomb aftertaste...

    I mean, how? wha? eh? The movie changes direction more often a Parkinson's Disease kid on a billy-cart. Is it sci-fi? Is it action? Is it comedy? Is it a friggin' Caberet show, and if so WHERE is Catherine Zeta Jones and I only ask because Renee Zellwegger's face was swapped with her arse at birth?

    I don't know whether it's saying "Look how dynamic this movie is!" or "Bet you didn't think it couldn't get any worse... BAM!"

    If it at all helps convey the level of disappointment I had in this film, I'd like to allow you some empathatic meaning:

    - the time it took me to write this post was better spent than watching that movie.

    - I watched a copied version some little asian bloke filmed in a cinema and then chucked on the net for a mate at work to copy and then rip onto my laptop so I can burn it to disc at home and, although bathed in my healthy pirate glow, am STILL pissed off I wasted a $1.60 blank DVD-R on this thing.


    Feel free Sydney-ites, to borrow it for your own viewing education, displeasure, and the mild sense of satisfaction that "At least that's out of the way".

    Good night.






    PS - watch "Shooter" before you bother with Spidey3... it's cool and there's heaps of guns in it!
     
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  2. Ripper yarn, thanks for the heads up on the movie. Hey Ktulu with writing skills like that you should start a blog or write a book or something, if you haven't already.

    Pisser! :LOL:
     
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  3. yeah movie sucked so boring 80% of the way
    end was good yet as meldromatic death
    I had the asain kids copy aswell

    But it seems my economic management is greater than yours as i didnt waste a DVD burning it.

    :) :) :)
    3 smilies probaly worth a watch cause everyone else is going to see it and u wana compare note on how crap it was
     
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  4. yeah, S3 sucked big time !
    George Lucas is right . . . it has no storyline !

    It seemed like a story line out of those teenage high school sitcoms like Degrassy High.
    Teenage subplots mixed with the usual moral issues of greed and jealousy.

    I saw it at its premier ! . . . which made it worse ! - I want a refund ! :evil:
    At least I didn't feel like a total dooosh-bag like some of the people in the cinema wearing Spiderman costumes and masks! :eek:
     
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  5. No one I know wanted to see it, so I ended up downloading a fairly good quality version. I'm so glad i didn't pay to see it, or put anyone else through that.

    I'm hoping Transformers and Rise of the Silver Surfer are a lot better!
     
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  6. The girls took me to see this on Mother's Day...meh - it was okay!

    Can you believe it?! Trying not to give any spoilers away - My oldest started crying at one part. She liked it, but then she likes anything with that actor in it (Spiderman's mate).
     
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  7. They lost me at the end of the first one when he turned down Kirsten Dunst :!:

    Haven't bothered watching any of the others. A guy who can shoot webs and climb walls is fine with me. but turning down Kirsten... well, if they're not going to at least make an effort at realism :roll: :grin:

    In other news... if you're paying $1.60 for Dvds Ktulu you're getting ripped off !
     
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  8. Well I saw it on Saturday night, no Asian pirated grainy "I can see the backs of other peoples heads in the cinema" copy for me though :grin:

    I have to say I thoroughly enjoyed it! Ktulu, it sounds like you started watching it expecting it to be something it isn't. It's a comic book adaptation for the screen ffs! We're not talking about a cinematic foray of a literary classic here :grin: And quite often these things just come across better on the big screen than they do on the tv at home.

    I don't think it had any great depth to it, but then again it wasn't meant to. And I was glad the villains this time around didn't have quite the level of cheesiness that Doc Ock had in the previous one.

    And the dancing? That just made me laugh - I thought that was hysterically funny!

    All in all, the effects were great, the level of interest was maintained with the action through what was a very long movie - it was quite simply good escapist comic book fun!

    As comic book adaptations for the screen go, this is right up there. A big improvement on the second installment - my initial reaction to the first installment is coloured slightly by the fact that I saw it in the US in a crappy cinema where the sound was having issues, but I think this third one is on par with the first, and in spots, even better.

    EDIT - the ONE failing this movie had is that it is the first Spidey movie that failed to have a Kirsten Dunst wet t-shirt scene. :shock:
     
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  9. I just wanna know when they're going to ditch all the camp early characters and start getting into the good ones like Venom and Carnage. Could you imagine the cool cgi stuff you could do with Venom???
     
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  10. Um...Venom is in this movie :LOL:
     
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  11. Ahhhh, I admit I haven't seen it! I thought that was the black suit he wears as opposed to Venom himself? Or am I just talking about the same thing..... its my Spiderman missing link.
     
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  12. No there is both. I don't want to start giving away spoliers, but yes, Spidey has a black suit, and later in the movie, Venom appears.
     
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  13. Alright, i might have to watch it then! I hope they've done some cool effects stuff with him.
     
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  14. Ooh yeah, the CGI for Venom is really quite spectacular :grin:
     
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  15. Nice! This is the Spiderman I've been waiting for then! I'm hoping I wont be as thoroughly disappointed as Ktulu!
     
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  16. It's crap, I went to see it with a date and she loved it. It's a good date movie, that's about it.
     
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  17. My $1.60 DVD-R is from a pack that come with individual cases for the disc also.

    Yes Rosie - I pretty much thought James Franco was the best actor in this one... maybe just because he has the best character and gets to play the goodie and the baddie really well.

    Bluesuede - I had been previously warned it was not a good movie, but even that did not prepare me for the viewing displeasure at such a recapture of excrement expertly transferred to film.
    Spiderman is meant to be cool.
    -Not a self-absorbed, self-indulgent, purveyor of faggotry, as he was so unfairly displayed by Mr Maguire in this film.

    Him in the black suit? That's how NORMAL Spidey should be.

    We are meant to like and appreciate the hero in a story like this: rejoice in his triumphs, become saddened by his defeats... and hope [as he does] that he can find the strength or figure out a way to make things right.


    Not even Lucy Pinder and Veronica Zemanova in wet t-shirts with running commentary by Elizabeth Hurley could have saved this movie from the faecal bastardisation that was Spiderman3 - let alone anything Kirsten Dunst could have done.
     
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  18. Meh...each to their own. I'm sure its not to everyone's taste, but I enjoyed it, and plenty of people enjoyed it too, and the reviews are good :)
     
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  19. The first Spiderman movie was shit. Given that as a starting point, I haven't wasted my time with any more of the offal on offer!
     
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  20. Mind you - Ktulu, that is the best movie review.....EVER !

    Can this thread please be archived for prosterity's sake ?
     
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