What is a Yankee? The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone. What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? The position of the dirt bag. Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it. What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever. What do lawyers use for birth control? Their personalities. What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? 20 kgs. What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband? 45 minutes. Why do men want to marry virgins? They can't stand criticism. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? A speech impediment. What's the difference between an Australian zoo and a English zoo? An Australian zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe.." How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F... Word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*! What's the difference between a northern USA fairytale and a southern USA fairytale? A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..." Why is there no Disneyland in China? No one's tall enough to go on the good rides.