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Some Gender Specific Grammar Lessons

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by Iffracem, Mar 22, 2005.

  1. DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:



    40-ish.............................49
    Adventurous...................Slept with everyone
    Athletic............................No tits
    Average looking................Ugly
    Beautiful...........................Pathological liar
    Contagious Smile..............Does a lot of pills
    Emotionally Secure............On medication
    Free spirit.........................Junkie
    Friendship first...................Former slut
    Fun....................................Annoying
    New-Age............................Body hair in the wrong places
    Old-fashioned.....................No BJs
    Open-minded......................Desperate
    Outgoing.............................Loud and Embarrassing
    Passionate..........................Sloppy drunk
    Professional........................biatch
    Wants Soul mate................Stalker

    WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

    1. Yes = No
    2. No = Yes
    3. Maybe = No
    4. We need = I want..
    5.. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
    6. We need to talk = You're in trouble
    7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
    8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
    9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
    10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?


    MEN'S ENGLISH:

    1. I am hungry = I am hungry
    2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
    3. I am tired = I am tired
    4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
    5. I love you = Let's have sex now
    6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
    7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
    8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
    9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
    10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
    11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay
     
  2. Here's some more....

    THE MALE SIDE OF THE LIST

    40-ish.................. 52 and looking for 25-yr-old
    Athletic................ Sits on the couch and watches ESPN
    Average looking......... Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back
    Educated................ Will always treat you like an idiot
    Free Spirit............. Sleeps with your sister
    Friendship first........ As long as friendship involves nudity
    Fun..................... Good with a remote and a six pack
    Good looking............ Arrogant
    Honest.................. Pathological Liar
    Huggable................ Overweight, more body hair than a bear
    Like to cuddle.......... Insecure, overly dependent
    Mature.................. Until you get to know him
    Open-minded............. Wants to sleep with your sister but she's not interested
    Physically fit.......... I spend a lot of time in front of mirror admiring myself
    Poet.................... Has written on a bathroom stall
    Spiritual............... Once went to church with his grandmother on Easter Sunday
    Stable.................. Occasional stalker, but never arrested
    Thoughtful.............. Says "Please" when demanding a beer
     
  3. Very funny guys.......funny but true :LOL: :LOL: