For those of you who have had back surgery, even abdominal would qualify probably. you will surely identify with what follows. The common sneeze goes from being a pleasant clearing of the nasal passages to a horrifying near death experience. The act itself is followed by a blood curdling scream the likes of which I previously thought could only be performed by professionals in horror movies. Then comes a string of the foulest swear words, in various languages, that you have managed to accumulate over your lifetime. So I was thinking why waste this new talent, why not put it to good use. You may be able to think of some occasions yourself but here's a few examples. A group of would be if could be junior execs have taken your favourite spot at the bar. No problem stand me behind them, a pinch of pepper and behold the bar is clear for at least 2 meters either side. Some will just move others will flee the pub entirely. Don't bother rushing to get a front row seat at the footy, just send me in, I'll clear a whole row for you. Just bear in mind if you arrive after the game has begun that there will be a pause in play while the players regain their composure and talk the umpires into coming back on the ground. Have a gang of hooded boguns robbing your shop, no probs give me a call. Those that haven't fled will be lying strangled on the floor. There is no fear you see, they can't inflict any pain on me that I haven't already done to myself. Filtering and splitting issues, no probs stick me on the back and I'll cut a swathe through the traffic for you leaving behind a mes of confused and terrified cagers. So folks no occasion too big or small, but I must leave now as I feel a sneeze coming on and my wife has created a sound proof booth for me so the dog doesn't leave home for 3 days like it did last week. Around here when I sneeze they don't say "bless you" they say , like the mayor of Hiroshima, "what the fark was that?"