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Smart Ar$e Answers

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' at netrider.net.au started by DRzilla, Apr 15, 2009.

  1. 6th Place

    It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane:

    'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked the man seated in the
    front row.

    'What are my choices?' the man asked.

    'Yes or no,' she replied.



    _____



    5th Place

    A flight attendant was stationed at the Qantas departure gate to check
    tickets.

    As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his
    trench coat and flashed at her

    Without blinking an eyelid she said,

    'Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub.'

    _____






    4th Place

    A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at a Woolworth's store but
    she couldn't find one big enough for her family.

    She asked a passing assistant, 'Do these turkeys get any bigger?'

    The assistant replied, ' I'm afraid not, they're dead.'

    _____




    3rd Place

    The policeman got out of his car and approached the boy racer he stopped
    for speeding.

    'I've been waiting for you all day,' the policeman said.

    The kid replied, 'Yes, well I got here as fast as I could.'

    _____




    2nd Place

    A semi-trailer driver was driving along on a country road.

    A sign came up that read ' Low Bridge Ahead.'

    Before he realised it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got stuck under
    it.

    Cars are backed up for miles.

    Finally, a police car came up.

    The policeman got out of his car and walked to the lorry's cab

    And said to the driver,

    'Got stuck, eh?'

    The lorry driver said, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of
    petrol!'

    _____




    SMART ARSED ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2008

    A teacher at a TAFE College reminded her pupils of tomorrow's final exam.

    'Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here
    tomorrow.

    I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness,
    or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses
    whatsoever!'

    A smart-arsed guy at the back of the room raised his hand and asked,

    'What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter
    sexual exhaustion?'

    The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering.

    When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student,
    shook her head and sweetly said,

    'Well, I suppose you'd have to write with your other hand'.
     
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