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Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by lil, Mar 7, 2005.

  1. How To Shower Like a Woman:

    Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

    Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.

    If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

    Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

    Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah wide loofah and pumice stone.

    Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

    Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

    Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.

    Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

    Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

    Rinse conditioner off hair.

    Shave armpits and legs.

    Turn off shower.

    Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

    Spray mold spots with Tilex.

    Get out of shower.

    Dry with towel the size of a small country.

    Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

    Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

    If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

    How To Shower Like a Man:

    Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

    Walk naked to the bathroom.

    If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.

    Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

    Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass.

    Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits.

    Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

    Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

    Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

    Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

    Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee.

    Rinse off and get out of shower.

    Partially dry off.

    Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

    Admire wiener size in mirror again.

    Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

    Return to bedroom with towel around waist.

    If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.

    Throw wet towel on bed.

    If there is anyone among you who did not laugh at the truth behind this, there is something so very wrong with you.

    :D :D :D
  2. :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:

    well done lil

    hit the nail on the head
  3. :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:

    oh so true ( but not for me ) lol
  4. Damn. Where is that camera hiding?
  5. Either that, or you live alone....
  6. *shakes weiner* WOOOWOOO!!!
  7. I love the way they slip in at the end... Pee.
  8. Holy crap, that is oh so true :LOL:
  9. I'm glad i dont have to put up with either of that crap in my house!! :twisted:
  10. What, don't hobbits shower?
  11. :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:

    Paula1 wrote:

    I second that Paula.

    :D :D
  12. Have three ankle biters and it soon puts a stop to shaking the weiner in the presence of Mrs Nodz (not that I did that before the ankle biters)...:LOL:
  13. I'd wager you did it at least three times ;)
  15. why stop when you get the ankle biters? my dad diddnt, which explains a lot...

    i mean whos dad didnt used to walk around the house naked drying after the shower, get up in the morning and make breakfast naked or walk out in the middle of the night and shout at the kids slumber party to shutup :)
  16. That last part would be permantly scarring. Maybe thats what people mean when they front court and say they had a bad childhood. "but your honour, i saw my mates dad in the buff when i was 8"
  17. Yes Hobbits do shower!!
    But as for all that other crap that goes on in there,i think its a wast of time and water
    But i think they should spend a little time on shaving their feet!! :D
  18. I'd have pulled of the the wiener and shaken the towel :LOL:
  19. hahahaha gold :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:
  20. Well I'm lady :shock: and I don't shower like that lady..

    I get undressed in the bedroom walk to the shower... Wash etc.. Walk out dripping wet to the bedroom.. Dry myself then sit on the bed for a while thinking if I can wear those jeans just one more day... :roll:

    Lisa :twisted: