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Share House Etiquette: You've gotta go.

Discussion in 'The Pub' started by robsalvv, Nov 16, 2009.

  1. A good friend of mine, Ms A, mid 30's, recently advertised for a new house mate and after seeing a cavalcade of apparently dodgey applicants, offered the slot to an apparently decent guy.

    2 months later, she's essentially holed up in her room. This guy has some seriously strong "single white female" overtones.

    He latches onto her friends, imposes himself into her conversations with them, does not respect her space, is overtly tactile, makes breakfasts and dinners for her- unasked! and then gets offended when she declines or has other plans... and there's other creepy space cramping behaviour.

    She has been a down right biatch to him in the last month, has told him to f'ck off at times, but he hasn't picked up any clues or modified his behaviour in anyway.

    Today she told him he has overstepped his boundaries, has creeped her out and she wants him to leave.

    He did his block.

    She locked herself in her room while he ranted and raved for the next 45minutes. He's left the house for the time being - perhaps to cool off.

    The lease is in her name.

    What's her legal situation with this guy?

  2. put him up for batchelor of the year. he will be snapped up quickly. sorry I have nothing constructive other than asking.

    is he on the lease? is she?

  3. Personally, I think the brekky / dinner thing is just a manipulative ploy. It's not he asks her first or during the day whether he should make more food for her while he's cooking. It's creepy.
  4. appologies. oh yeah and its super creepy. I'm pretty sure if she is on the lease and he isn't then she has the power to evict him. but the lawyer types should clarify that
  5. F**k the legal avenues, he needs to leave......pretty much right now.

    Call me if you need me.
  6. I'm with Cheffie. She has to say "Pack your things and leave." And then change the locks.

    If he is not on the lease, and she hasn't signed a sub-let agreement with him, then as far as I know he is effectively a guest in her house. A paying guest, true, but a guest nonetheless.

    The problem is that he knows where she lives. If there is any way she can defuse the situation that would be in her long-term interest. Of course, having a dozen guys turn up on motorbikes might be all the defusing the situation needs...

    Hmmm... a little Google-fu found this:


    In the Shared House section I discovered the following snippets:

  7. i think u have to give him either 2 or 6 weeks notice to leave, its for him to find another place, if all else fails, road trip for u netriders in melb
  8. mystery ride new end point?
  9. If the guy is abusive and she feels threatened enough to lock herself in a bedroom then it's time to call the cops I'd say!
  10. I'm thinking cops too... trying to get in touch to find the latest.
  11. I would temper this with we have only heard one side of the story. I admit on face value his behavior seems excessive but we can't be sure. I would try the defuse the situation gently without Police or Netrider intervention. Perhaps some wiser third party can act as mediator.

    In any case whether the guy is on the lease or not as a resident for some time he does have certain rights under the law. Not as many as the Lease holder but some rights. Ask people who deal in this stuff:

    Tennants Union

    However If she feels at all threatened then Police immediately.
  12. She should keep a diary of any abusive behaviour or behaviour that makes her uncomfortable.

    1) Give him 2 weeks notice, "I'm sorry, this just isn't working out and I need you to find another place to live."
    2) Call up cops if he goes spastic.
    3) A select group of close male friends perhaps may attend her place for beers and BBQ of an arvo/evening, until the notice period is up.
    4) Change locks.

    5) If he ever comes back: go to the cops with the diary, get an AVO, have him served.

    Beyond that, if this guy's a lunatic and 'the system' let's her down, then things may need to happen that you should not discuss on a public forum.
  13. I agree with you but would add this, if she feels uncomfortable enough to hide in her room from him, then the trust is sufficiently damaged that there is no coming back from it. She has no option but to make him leave.

    She has told him it's time to go, and he's acted unreasonably as a result, but at this stage that's all he's done. The police wont be able to get involved because an offense hasn't been committed. The problem is if you wait until one is, it's either too late or too hard to prove.

    Hopefully he has gone away to cool off and see reason, and he comes back and simply says he's sorry things didn't work out and he'll make immediate arrangements to move on. If not, then he'll need some encouragement. Usually that takes the form of convincing him it's not worth the effort to make things any harder.
  14. This may just get me onto a mystery ride :)
  15. One of the problems here is that she has a sub-lease. Now, unless it's agreed to in the lease itself she may be infringing the lease conditions. If her landlord finds out it could be grounds for eviction. Or the landlord may simply have the sub-tenant evicted.
  16. i've done house sharing before. this is way beyond acceptable limits of any tenant.

    I can say that she has done the right thing in giving him notice. that period should equal the amount of bond he has provided, i/e one month in advance, then one month's notice.

    get him to continue to pay, let him leave and then check the condition of the property. then refund bond if all ok.

    since you are involved you should know let him know that you have been told about the situation and that if he doesn't behave in a reasonable manner then you will be forced to call the police etc. feel free to bring over several male friends or family of the girl or yours to let him know this isn't on.

    better yet, have about 10 netriders pull up on motorcycles and let him think she is a "girl" belonging to a motorcycle gang or something. also start yelling out "toecutter!!" or something else similarly batsh*t insane that will have him think twice before scaring your friend again. then he might want to leave muy pronto.
  17. listen to martin, people :wink:
  18. I was seriously getting worried - Ms A hasn't answered her phone and I haven't been able to raise her... but apparently her Iphone shat itself phew.

    I'll pass on these good tips.
  19. Impossible. Iphones are perfect and never go wrong. And I will continue to believe that no matter what!

    Rob, that bloke sounds like a nut job.
  20. Hmmm, the fun I've got forward to now that I'm looking for a housemate.

    Maybe you should pass on his details Rob so that others don't have the misfortune of having this bloke as a housemate.