Taoism: Shit happens. Buddhism: If shit happens, it's not really shit. Zen: What is the sound of shit happening? Confusianism: Confucius says: shit happens Islam: If shit happens, take a hostage. Protestantism: Shit happens because you don't work hard enough. Catholicism: Shit happens because you're bad. Judaism: Why does shit always happen to us? Hare Krishna: Shit happens rama rama. TV Evangalism: Send more shit. Atheism: No shit. Hedonism: There's nothing like a good shit happening. Jehovahs Witness: Knock, knock, shit happens. Christian Science: Shit happens in your mind. Agnosticism: Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn't. Stoicism: This shit doesn't bother me Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit.