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Sex

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' at netrider.net.au started by es, Dec 29, 2005.

  1. A man and a woman were having drinks, getting to know one another and started bantering back and forth about male / female issues. They talked about who was better in certain sports, who were the better entertainers, etc. The flirting continued for more than an hour when the topic of sex came up. So they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more.

    The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?"

    He then went on for several hours arguing his point, even going so far as to ask other men in the bar for their opinions. The woman listened quietly until the man was finished making his point. Confident in the strength of his argument, the man awaited her response.

    "That doesn't prove a thing," the woman countered. "Think about it - when your ear itches and you put your little finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better - your ear or your finger?


     
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  2. It has been known for many years that sex is good exercise, but until recently nobody had made a scientific study of the caloric expenditure of different sexual activities. Now after original and proprietary research they are proud to present the results.

    REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
    With her consent....................... 12 Calories
    Without her consent.................... 187 Calories

    OPENING HER BRA:
    With both hands........................ 8 Calories
    With one hand.......................... 12 Calories
    With your teeth........................ 85 Calories

    PUTTING ON A PRESERVATIVE:
    With an erection....................... 6 Calories
    Without an erection.................... 315 Calories

    PRELIMINARIES:
    Trying to find the clitoris............ 8 Calories
    Trying to find the G-Spot.............. 92 Calories

    POSITIONS:
    Missionary............................. 12 Calories
    69 lying down.......................... 78 Calories
    69 standing up......................... 112 Calories
    Wheelbarrow............................ 216 Calories
    Doggy Style............................ 326 Calories
    Italian chandelier..................... 912 Calories

    ORGASMING:
    Real................................... 112 Calories
    False.................................. 315 Calories

    POST ORGASM:
    Lying in bed hugging................... 18 Calories
    Getting up immediately................. 36 Calories
    Explaining why you got out of bed immediately......816 Calories

    GETTING A SECOND ERECTION: If you are:
    20-29 years old........................ 36 Calories
    30-39 years............................ 80 Calories
    40-49 years............................ 124 Calories
    50-59 years............................ 972 Calories
    60-69 years............................ 2916 Calories
    70 and over......................... Results are still pending

    DRESSING UP AFTERWARDS:
    Calmly................................. 32 Calories
    In a hurry............................. 98 Calories
    With her father knocking at the door... 1218 Calories
    With your wife knocking at the door.... 3521 Calories
     
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  3. ROFLOL...

    From this point forward i will refer to this only as 'the little finger incident'.
    :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :grin: :LOL:
     
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  4. A Kiwi walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says:

    "Darling, this is the pig I have relations with when you have a headache."

    His girlfriend lying in bed replies: "I think you'll find that's a sheep, dickhead."

    The man returns: " I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you."
     
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  5. Now you know why I am so skinny :LOL:
     
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  6. lol!! haha never thought about that!

    hmmm but seriously.....its better for the guy right?
     
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  7. How do You make a chick ORGASM?






    Who CARES.
     
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  8. Nice one! But when our... uh finger itches, and we shove it in our... umm ear to scratch it, then the finger will feel better than the ear ;)
     
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  9. This proves a theory I have had for many years...

    Chicks LOVE IT.
     
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  10. Of course! Why do you think there are so many babies being born, you think women get hooked on labor pains? :LOL:
     
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  11. Hey Eswen are you not getting enough at the moment?

    All your posts seem to have the theme of rooting?

    Do you need someone to come around and sort out your itchy ear?
     
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  12. Enough is when you are too sore to go again, or are getting dehydrated.

    I dont think thats true... I made lotsa posts about pillowcases.

    Thatd be nice :LOL: unfortunatly I think the main contender is still asleep. :roll:
     
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  13. [/quote]
    Enough is when you are too sore to go again, or are getting dehydrated.[/quote]

    And I thought you were a sweet innocent girl who wouldn't know about the pleasures of being spit roasted by two afro american men like in those videos other members of netrider have told me about.

    (Bass in the back ground going, dow dow dow chicka ckicka chicka cha)

    Porno music just doesn't work when put into text
     
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  14. So tell us Pete - what do YOU know about the pleasures of being spit roasted etc?
     
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  15. The last time I tried it, it left a horible taste in my mouth and I counld't walk straight for a week
     
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  16. But you're not going to LEARN, are you?
     
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  17. (in the voice of homer simpson) mmmmmm spit roast....
     
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  18. I dont care who enjoys it more, long as they enjoy it.

    that said, when you drink a beer, and you finish it, who feels better, the empty beer bottle or the one who drank the beer?
     
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  19. Its my own fault for drinking in that funny little pub in peel street. Theres no women there but hey the beers cheap !
     
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  20. its a lure!

    well we all kno wwhat they say bout poms....
     
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