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Semen Sample

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by WGM, Mar 4, 2008.

  1. The Semen Sample
    An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
    The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."
    The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
    The doctor asked what happened.
    "Well, doc, it's like this," the man explained. "First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.
    "Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.
    "She tried a rubber device she ordered from some internet web site but it broke.
    "We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."
    The doctor was shocked. "You asked your neighbour?!"
    The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get that jar open!"

  2. hahaha an oldie but still a goodie
  3. Reminds me of the deaf old fella in the doctor's office with his missus. The doc says "mate it might be serious, we need to run some tests. I need a blood sample, a stool sample, a urine sample and a semen sample."

    "WHAAAAT?" Goes the old bloke, deaf as a post."

    "JUST GIVE HIM YOUR UNDERPANTS DEAR" says his missus...
  4. Old Bill goes to the Doctor with constipation. Doctor gives him a suppository and says "Take this home and put it in the 'back passage' and come and see me next week."

    Bill returns a week later and the doctor asks him how it went. Bill says "I don't have a back passage at my place so I put the tablet on the back verandah. For all the good it did me, I might as well have shoved it up my arse....."