SECRET OF LONG HAPPY LIFE A man walked up to a little old lady rocking in a chair on her porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," he said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?" "I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," she said. "I also do a gramme of charlie a day, a spliff every night, a case of whiskey a week, eat junk food, and never exercise, and do pills on the weekend." "That's amazing," said the man, "how old are you?" "Twenty-four."