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Sad murder story at Coles.

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by pepito, Feb 4, 2005.

  1. A sad murder story at Coles.

    Tired of constantly being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife, with himself as the beneficiary. A "friend of a friend" put him in touch with an infamous underworld figure who went by the name of Artie. Artie explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $5,000.00. The husband said he was willing to pay that amount but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money. Artie insisted on being paid something up front. The husband opened up his wallet, displaying the single dollar bill that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, and reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed. A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local coles Supermarket.

    There, he surprised her in the Fruit and Veg Department and proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands. As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath and slumped to the floor, the Manager of the Fruit and Veg department stumbled unexpectedly onto the scene.

    Unwilling to leave any witnesses behind, Artie had no choice but to strangle the Manager as well.

    Unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by hidden cameras and observed by the store's Security Guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught and arrested before he could leave the store.

    Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the sordid plan, including his financial arrangements with the hapless husband. And that is why, the next day in the newspaper, the headline declared:-


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    [You're going to hate me for this]

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    "ARTIE CHOKES TWO FOR A DOLLAR AT COLES"

    :D
     
  2. rofl

    about time someone had a funny joke in this section.


    ps: u going on the martyh ride on sunday? wouldn't mind meeting a decent bloke for once.
     
  3. bwaaaaaaahhhhhhhaaahhhhhhhh........now thats funny :LOL:
     
  4. Thanks Grobby :p


    It's just, I worked at safeway and shop at coles and pepito tickled my funny bone.

    He's prolly not even a bloke. So many chicks on this forum read like blokes and vicea versa. How about you, grobby? what do you sound like? ya look like a bit of an lanky barstard on the netrider pics site. im guessing you were a bean pole at school.
     
  5. You are right - this is awful.

    Oh OK I chuckled - a bit. But not for long.

    No more.

    Please.
     
  6. Try this

    Had a chuckle at the Coles joke but try this one

    A good looking man walks into an agent's office in Hollywood and says "I want to be a movie star. Tall, handsome and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials. The agent asked, "What's your name?"

    The guy said, "My name is Penis van Lesbian."
    The agent said, "Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into Hollywood you are gonna have to change your name."
    "I will NOT change my name!

    The van Lesbian name is centuries old, I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Not ever."
    The agent said, "Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years... you will NEVER go far in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian!

    I'm telling you, you will HAVE TO change your name or I will not be able to represent you."
    "So be it! I guess we will not do business together" the guy said and he left the agent's office.



    FIVE YEARS LATER.....
    The agent opens an envelope sent to his office. Inside the envelope is a letter and a check for $50,000. The agent is awestruck .who would possibly send him $50,000? He reads the letter enclosed...


    Dear Sir,

    Five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in Hollywood, you told me I needed to change my name. Determined to make it with my God-given birth name, I refused. You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian. After I left your office, I thought about what you said. I decided you were right. I had to change my name. I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed with another agent. I would never have made it without changing my name, so the enclosed check is a token of my appreciation.

    Thank you for your advice.


    Sincerely,
    Dick van Dyke
     
  7. nah , marty is a bloke .
    easy target to pull the piss out of, he gives as good as he gets .
    Yer , tall skin , scruffy , lanky bastard. (spot on) :LOL:
    Actually quiet chubby kid at school and grew out of it .
    The picture there isnt a very good one , that was taken at coffee night on "shave for a cure" the fundraiser for cancer .(it doesnt show how rough the head really is ) :LOL:
    I wont shave the mullet off so they spray painted it red and blue.
     
  8. hahahaha more more more :LOL: