LOG ON: Adding wood to make the barbie hotter. LOG OFF: Not adding any more wood to the barbie. MONITOR: Keeping an eye on the barbie. DOWNLOAD: Getting the firewood off the ute. HARD DRIVE: Making the trip back home without any cold tinnies. KEYBOARD: Where you hang the ute keys. WINDOW: What you shut when the weather's cold. SCREEN: What you shut in the mozzie season. BYTE: What mozzies do. MEGABYTE: What Townsville mozzies do. CHIP: A bar snack. MICROCHIP: What's left in the bag after you've eaten the chips. MODEM: What you did to the lawns. LAPTOP: Where the cat sleeps. SOFTWARE: Plastic knives & forks you get at Red Rooster. HARDWARE: Stainless steel knives & forks - from K-Mart. MOUSE: The small rodent that eats the grain in the shed. MAINFRAME: What holds the shed up. WEB: What spiders make. WEBSITE: Usually in the shed or under the verandah. SEARCH ENGINE: What you do when the ute won't go. CURSOR: What you say when the ute won't go. YAHOO: What you say when the ute does go. UPGRADE: A steep hill. SERVER: The person at the pub who brings out the counter lunch. MAIL SERVER: The bloke at the pub who brings out the counter lunch. USER: The neighbour who keeps borrowing things. NETWORK: What you do when you need to repair the fishing net. INTERNET: Where you want the fish to go. NETSCAPE: What the fish do when they discover the hole in the net. ONLINE: Where you hang the washing. OFFLINE: Where the washing ends up when the pegs aren't strong enough.